I give up

[crowdog66]

I can't do this anymore.

I can't keep fighting. I can't keep trying. I just want to lie down, go to sleep, and never wake up. I'm so fucking tired, I can't imagine ever being any other way. And I don't WANT to be any other way. I don't want to feel hope again. I don't want to live. I just want to close my eyes and have the whole world go away.

I'm on the edge of making that choice. Maybe the psych doc will have words to change that, but I doubt it. The despair is like an ocean and I'm drowning in it. I've started crying and can't seem to stop. George has gone to bed (he was up all night working) so I can't even go and lie down. Nothing works anymore. The whole world is out of tune.

If I'm still around after this, I'll post tonight. I probably will be. Oh, God, what a dreadful thought...

Comments

[dark-puck.livejournal.com]

Christ, Laurie, don't go! I love you, girl; I know you can pull through this. If I have to drive up to Canada and show you how much I care, I will, damn it. Just say the word.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

On AIM... I'll catch you there. And trust me, you don't want to drive up here right now, lol... it's rainy and nasty and... well, I'm back from the edge, anyway. ;-)

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

DON'T.
Just please. Don't.

You are far too valuable to those of us who care about you.

So don't go.
Please.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

I'm a bit better now. I thought for a few very nasty moments there that I was going to let go -- but held on until I got to some help. *smiles weakly*

Sorry about that. It's usually not quite that bad, at least not lately. And for better or worse, I'm not going anywhere.

[he-dreams-awake.livejournal.com]

We'd come straight to you, too. At a moment's notice. By thumb or by bus or by whatever means I have to.

We're here. Fuck it. 207 778 0537. Fuck caution. Call, even collect, if you have to.


Love you. Trust me. I know what it's like. I've been there since four this morning... but I'm still here. And I'd hate to be if you weren't.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

I... thank you. Your compassion and generosity leave me greatly humbled.

But it's all right. *weak smile* I have my husband (he's just working split shifts in relation to me, so we haven't seen a lot of each other these last couple of days and he was sleeping when that horrible patch hit me), and three people locally who I can call if need be, plus the crisis line aislingfae mentioned.

I know your offer was both serious and sincere. If I need to, I'll have it on hand. I promise.

[metisbutterfly.livejournal.com]

Laurie,
Please call Klinic Crisis or Sara Riel if you feel like this, there is help availiable, and we all love and care for you.
Phone me on my cell 293-1045 if u need, i will try to help, don't hesitate.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm doing better now. As I noted to nightdog_barking, I thought I was going to let go for a few horrible moments/hours, but I'm back from the edge.

My psych doc pretty much has an open offer to me for Sara Riel (that is, if I'm in deep crisis, I'm to go there and tell them he sent me). And I have friends like you, and those who posted above, who have made it clear that if I get to that point and don't call them I'm in even deeper trouble than merely being suicidal... so, one way or the other, I've got a safety net.

Thank you again for your kindness and willingness to help.

!!!!!!

[cockatiel-art.livejournal.com]

**hugs Crow-Joe**


Cripes. I don't believe I missed this **Screams and feels like a complete idiot!!!!!!**

**Sits crow-joe down with some tea and more hugs as needed**

**hugs Crow joe again** I'm glad you're feeling a bit better hun. remember. You can phone me if you need someone to talk to.

Re: !!!!!!

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

Thank you. I'm still really rough, but I think I'll be okay now. So many kind words from so many people helped stabilize me again.

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

I felt like this all day.... I hate it too... its a horrible feeling.

Talk in person soon, k?

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Sorry to hear I'm not the only person in the world feeling this shitty. It's not a feeling I'd wish on anyone.

Something in particular dragging you down?

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

just life... .... bleh....