I give up

[crowdog66]

I can't do this anymore.

I can't keep fighting. I can't keep trying. I just want to lie down, go to sleep, and never wake up. I'm so fucking tired, I can't imagine ever being any other way. And I don't WANT to be any other way. I don't want to feel hope again. I don't want to live. I just want to close my eyes and have the whole world go away.

I'm on the edge of making that choice. Maybe the psych doc will have words to change that, but I doubt it. The despair is like an ocean and I'm drowning in it. I've started crying and can't seem to stop. George has gone to bed (he was up all night working) so I can't even go and lie down. Nothing works anymore. The whole world is out of tune.

If I'm still around after this, I'll post tonight. I probably will be. Oh, God, what a dreadful thought...

Comments

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

DON'T.
Just please. Don't.

You are far too valuable to those of us who care about you.

So don't go.
Please.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

I'm a bit better now. I thought for a few very nasty moments there that I was going to let go -- but held on until I got to some help. *smiles weakly*

Sorry about that. It's usually not quite that bad, at least not lately. And for better or worse, I'm not going anywhere.