I give up

[crowdog66]

I can't do this anymore.

I can't keep fighting. I can't keep trying. I just want to lie down, go to sleep, and never wake up. I'm so fucking tired, I can't imagine ever being any other way. And I don't WANT to be any other way. I don't want to feel hope again. I don't want to live. I just want to close my eyes and have the whole world go away.

I'm on the edge of making that choice. Maybe the psych doc will have words to change that, but I doubt it. The despair is like an ocean and I'm drowning in it. I've started crying and can't seem to stop. George has gone to bed (he was up all night working) so I can't even go and lie down. Nothing works anymore. The whole world is out of tune.

If I'm still around after this, I'll post tonight. I probably will be. Oh, God, what a dreadful thought...

Comments

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm doing better now. As I noted to nightdog_barking, I thought I was going to let go for a few horrible moments/hours, but I'm back from the edge.

My psych doc pretty much has an open offer to me for Sara Riel (that is, if I'm in deep crisis, I'm to go there and tell them he sent me). And I have friends like you, and those who posted above, who have made it clear that if I get to that point and don't call them I'm in even deeper trouble than merely being suicidal... so, one way or the other, I've got a safety net.

Thank you again for your kindness and willingness to help.