I give up

[crowdog66]

I can't do this anymore.

I can't keep fighting. I can't keep trying. I just want to lie down, go to sleep, and never wake up. I'm so fucking tired, I can't imagine ever being any other way. And I don't WANT to be any other way. I don't want to feel hope again. I don't want to live. I just want to close my eyes and have the whole world go away.

I'm on the edge of making that choice. Maybe the psych doc will have words to change that, but I doubt it. The despair is like an ocean and I'm drowning in it. I've started crying and can't seem to stop. George has gone to bed (he was up all night working) so I can't even go and lie down. Nothing works anymore. The whole world is out of tune.

If I'm still around after this, I'll post tonight. I probably will be. Oh, God, what a dreadful thought...

Comments

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

I... thank you. Your compassion and generosity leave me greatly humbled.

But it's all right. *weak smile* I have my husband (he's just working split shifts in relation to me, so we haven't seen a lot of each other these last couple of days and he was sleeping when that horrible patch hit me), and three people locally who I can call if need be, plus the crisis line aislingfae mentioned.

I know your offer was both serious and sincere. If I need to, I'll have it on hand. I promise.