A complete balls-up

[crowdog66]

Man, I just can't get it right. I feel like I just completely balls-upped an impromptu RP session I held between two players who'd never done interactive fic-writing with me before (simultaneously). One of the players vanished suddenly, and the other got gone as quickly as they could. Just me? Ah, I don't know. I wouldn't blame them if they ran for the hills, the way I'm performing as a co-ordinator/GM.

I feel even worse because I rescheduled an AI RP session for tonight because I thought I'd be painting until all hours. As it was, I was painting until 8 pm or thereabouts, which still would have put paid to an AI session because of the scheduling needs of the player in Paris... but it's still one of those days when nothing seems in proper alignment with anything else.

To top it all off, another friend was on AIM trying to IM me, and because of all the windows I had open I didn't see her posts until after she'd signed off. Eastpath, if you read this, I'm sorry I missed you. Again.

Honestly, I find myself asking what the point is in doing anything at all. What the hell's wrong with me? I thought I was over days like this. It doesn't help that my uterus is dropping half a cup of clots at a time, which makes me feel out of sorts and vaguely worried for my health.

Maybe I should just crawl into a hole, pull my fics/work/ideas in after me, and stop bothering the world. Nothing works. And you know what? I really miss Micawber right now.

*hugs a picture of my big boy and cries*

Comments

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry I dropped out last night, but I was terribly, terribly tired, on the verge of falling asleep at my keyboard: I'd had a long day yesterday, running errands I couldn't get done earlier in the week on account of work, et al. Plus I'm getting to the end of my cycle as well, which often means I get really tired rather quickly. I should have explained the situation better; it wasn't you at all: it was me.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

No, was me! ;-)

No problem -- I understand, I was just feeling really uber-sensitive and inadequate in general. You explained yourself well. I was just beating myself up. Thank you for taking time to post here and help make me feel better. :-)

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

There is a lot of wonkiness in the world right now.. I feel shitty too and don't doubt it, read my post and yea...

Don't worry about me :) I know you get busy and miss my messages but it's all good. I am still hoping to be able to see you Sunday at the least for the sacred well thing if your coming... *hugs*

I'm never mad about missing you on AIM, there is no stress there so don't even worry about it..

As for the feeling shitty part, I get that. I get it very well and I think it's just something in the general energy of our section of the world because I feel the same way.

*HUGE HUGS*

If anything hopefully I'll get to see you Sunday. Jill is offering rides, you can come here and get a ride with me as Jill is picking me up...? How does that sound?

*more hugs*

Don't crawl into a hole, I'd miss you too much!

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Eastpath... *hugs!*

I think coming to your place for meeting pick-up sounds like a great idea. What time should I be there? :-)

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

Just confirming that, I sent her an email. I'll let you know asap *HUGS* Should be in the between 5-6 range I'm sure. *hugs* :D

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

Around 6... So I'd say get here for like 5:50... that sound cool?

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Slight change of plan -- looks like I'll have to flat Star Wars all day Sunday, so I'm asking Aisling to pick me up downtown.

Wah... (must repeat to self: all work is good work, all work is good work, all work is good work...)

See you then!

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

No problem :) *hugs* See ya then! Email her too to make sure she gets the update.. ^^ If you're not in the car when she gets here I'll get her to come and get you :D

*hug*

[la-dame-du-lac.livejournal.com]

Meg from GAFF here - that's how I found your LJ. Hope you don't mind me poking my nose in.

I'm sorry you're feeling bad, Crowdog. I read your previous post re: uterus going berzerk (also on GAFF), and my mother seems to be going through the same thing. Something about fibromas getting more common/thicker around the menopause, thus making the bleeding/cramping worse. Perhaps a gyne could help?

And I know how you feel about the "nothing works" moment in your work. It's hard to be creative when you're feeling down, especially when you're a perfectionist (I'm also a perfectionist in RPs). I do hope it's "one of those phases" and that it'll be over soon. Maybe doing something fun or light or even stupid (in writing or RP) could help ease the blues?

Re: *hug*

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the kind words of support, Meg... nope, I don't mind you posting here at all. It was considerate of you to do so.

I just saw my doctor today and he told me that my pattern is pretty typical for menopausal women. He'll do a pap smear and pelvic exam next time I'm in, so it's all good for the moment. Thanks for the tip about fibromas: he said that in many cases these actually decrease in size when menopause hits, but he'll check that out in the pelvic exam just to be sure.

As for RPs -- yep, the term perfectionist fits the bill for me! I think I've just been beating myself up in general lately.

Which RPs do you take part in, yourself? I've been approached about starting a Matrix RP, so I'm tapping people for player slots -- and from what I've seen of you on GAFF, you'd certainly be witty and intelligent enough to play well in one of my games. :-)

Argh

[dark-puck.livejournal.com]

Gomen nasai, Laurie! My 'net fucked up on me and I couldn't get it working again until an hour ago! I'm sorry!

*mutters* Need new net card now.

Re: Argh

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Hey, no need to be sorry -- *points upward at responses to other posters on this thread*. I've been beating myself up all week. Would you like me to beat up on your net card for a while instead? :-D

Re: Argh

[dark-puck.livejournal.com]

Nah, I'm taking it back once I'm jobbed.

[metisbutterfly.livejournal.com]

((hugs)).
I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time right now...please, feel free to give me a call or drop me an email. What are pointy hats for?? =)
I hope you will come on Sunday if you can, if you need a ride just let me know.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

((hugs back))

I'm doing a bit better now, on and off -- if it gets bad enough, I'll keep your phone number handy. :-)

On Sunday I'll meet you at Eastpath's place... sound good?

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Er, change of plans -- could I get a pick-up in the Exchange District, at 70 Arthur Street, for the Sunday night meeting?

I'm going to have to lay Star Wars flats all day Sunday... what would be a good time to be downstairs for pickup?

[hal-mcgeever.livejournal.com]

Hey, it's me, back from oblivion... I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm a bit pissed about your work schedule interfering with...a certain group meeting. But grief knows I'm patient in cranky way.

I'll be online for a while yet if you need someone to bitch to: I put too much coffee in my vodka-and-coffee and it's keeping me awake.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Pass the vodka? :-D

Ahhhhhhh -- MUCH better!