crowdog66

Today's DBT class was a little slice of hell, but I got out of it in one somewhat-battered piece. Nothing like sitting in a room full of people -- four of them complete strangers just joining the course -- and going over the skill cards, revealing the darkest secrets of your despairing soul. :-P Bleah.

Before the class, took my light little fur-lined boots in for repair in preparation for real winter weather (they'll be ready next week). After the class, stopped at PharmaPlus and picked up a bunch of prescriptions (all for free, Pharmacare ROCKS) and some fresh-cut flowers just to brighten the place up. As I was shopping, I could feel my spirit rousing a little, like a horse led out of a dark, dank stable to the edge of a field of grass: my soul's head came up, my ears twisted forward, and I stamped once or twice, testing my own inner strength. Things seem to be turning around, thank the Gods.

On the way home, stopped at Sugar Mountain and picked up two bottles of Pic-a-Pop -- Blue Razzberry and Strawberry flavored. Pic-a-Pop is a classic Winnipeg soft drink that was off the market for decades, but has recently been revived. I can't have it myself, but hope George will enjoy it immensely.

Tonight: Research for Holly's class on the 20th, while I have a burst of energy to do it with.

( Oh, and a AD&D -related quizzy thing )

A busy day -- and I haven't even started working yet.

First, a trip down to Pack & Post this morning to pick up our scanner, which arrived from California yesterday... all 70 pounds of it. Woof. Try walking home and up three flights of stairs with THAT, even with two people carrying it. The box was big, bulky, and not very well balanced, which added to the strain. But in the end it was sitting in the middle of our studio. Tonight we hook it up and plug it in and make sure the damned thing works.

Then off to meet with my psych nurse at the Adult Outpatient wing of the Health Sciences Centre, to go over the first module of the DBT program, the Core Mindfulness skills (since I'm coming into the weekly program after the group has already finished the first module of four). These are skills that most people absorb growing up, but which people with Borderline Personality Disorder don't, usually because of an emotionally invalidating environment full of statements like "You're not angry!" or "We don't want to see you if you're not happy!" or "Shut up or I'll REALLY give you something to cry about!" or... well, you get the idea. People with BPD end up not being able to feel or accurately identify their emotional states, which leads to profound disregulation -- so much so that there's a real push in psychiatric circles to rename it Emotion Regulation Disorder, a much more accurate term.

This was immediately followed by the weekly DBT session, which I will be attending for the next eight months to a year. Today we dealt with the first phase of the Emotional Regulation module. I walked out of it with a surprising and heartening emotion: hope. If I work hard at this, maybe I can meet my goals of reducing suicidal impulses and parasuicidal/self-injuring behavior, as well as learning to cope with my health issues in a more positive and proactive way.

Afterwards I rode the bus a bit further than usual and got off at the downtown locus of the Winnipeg Fringe Festival. I'm not a great playgoer -- my goal was to tour their outdoor merchant area and maybe pick up a new summer dress. Instead I came away with a large brocade-print tote bag, a beer glass that has flashing lights imbedded in it (perfect for Keycon next year), and a bowl made out of an old vinyl Decca record of The Who's album "Tommy". That and a meal of delicious basmati rice with chicken curry from the on-site India Palace wagon rounded out my afternoon downtown.

I still haven't gotten started on today's workload (laying Star Wars: Republic flats for Chris Chuckry) but I'm glad I took a little bit of time to stop and smell the roses, so to speak.

ETA: Another good link explaining what BPD is.

FURTHER ETA: Oh my God, cute little baby kittens over on the Kittypix LJ! Squeeeeeeee!