crowdog66 ◾ ◾ Hormonally lobotomized

Gods, I feel so hormonally lobotomized right now. It literally hurts to think or be creative.

I almost cut about an hour ago, after George had gone to bed and I felt immensely alone and afraid. It's been a while since I've been suicidal, and I'm pretty much okay now, but at that point I really wanted to die. Instead of locking myself in the bathroom with an Exacto knife I crawled into bed with George, who held me while I cried and soothed me to the point where I could actually contemplate getting up and going back to work.

So here I am in the studio, listening to a program on Frontline about the presciption of psychiatric medication for children, and I find myself wondering how stupid you have to be to think that throwing psychotropic meds at a developing brain is generally a good idea. Yes, there are some children who have serious behavioral problems and need meds to stay on an even keel. But diagnosing bipolar disorder in a three year old child?!? There's even a doctor who specializes in diagnosis children BEFORE the first bipolar episode, and giving them massive amounts of medication as a preventative measure. Please. It strikes me as a money-making scam heartily encouraged by the drug companies.

In an hour or so I am definitely ordering a Domino's Pizza Brooklyn Style Pizza. I have cravings, oh yes I do, and the thought of that pizza is the main thing that's keeping me going at this point.

I wish this backache would go away. Time to take some more Aspirin and have some fresh coffee.