A crack in the dam

[crowdog66]

About fifteen minutes ago, the dam broke open, at least a little.

I was talking to George when it hit me: My mother is gone. The world is now without her wit, her intelligence, her kindness, and her kick-ass-and–take-names attitude. Her ashes are sitting on my home altar. Her apartment lies empty. Never again will I pick up the phone and call her, or she pick up the phone and call me.

Suddenly, all I wanted was my mommy. And for the first time since she'd died, the sobbing started.

I've just stopped crying; the Novocaine seems to have descended upon my spirit once more, but I feel like I've been run over by a truck.

I just wanted to share this with the world -- grieving, it sucks.

EDITED TO ADD: To cheer myself up a bit, I just gave Emmie and Mina some catnip my mother had been keeping in her freezer. The apartment, it is full of trippin' cats -- running around, stopping dead, staring fixedly at objects, falling... slowly... over, and then repeating the whole chain of events again and again.

That and a tranquillizer are going a little way toward improving my general mood, but I think I'll still turn in early tonight.

Comments

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

*big hugs*

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs back*

I'll try to see about talking to the caretaker tomorrow about suites coming up for August 1st, and let you know what I found out.

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

Whenever you can, no pressure *more hugs*

[lacontessamala.livejournal.com]

Suddenly, all I wanted was my mommy.

Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. *hugs*

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *smiles weakly* Virtual hugs are nearly as good as Real Life hugs at a time like this. The help and support of my online friends means so very much to me in these dark times.

[flamingchords.livejournal.com]

Fuzz therapy and hugs.

(Hugs.)

"Suddenly, all I wanted was my mommy."

[bodi-kat.livejournal.com]

Oh, i have moments like that, too.

i'm glad you had a break in the dam, if only for a little while. It's good to let it out. It's overwhelming, it feels like it will never end, but it's really good, in the end, to just let it roll.

Adorable, about the felines, btw.

My Mum is still technically alive, but i really miss her, too. Going to see her doesn't help, either- only makes the longing worse. (as i said, Alzheimer's SUCKS)

Love you, and am only a phonecall away.

[elaryn.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It's hard. I'm sorry. I believe that the part of your mother that cannot die lives still, and whether she's gone to Heaven or the Summer Land, I believe you'll see her again, hold her hand, hear her voice.

You and George and all who loved her are in our prayers, and so is she. If we can help you, even from this distance, let us know.

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

:: Hugs you:: I may be miles away from where you are, but I'm with you in spirit. I'll send you my guardian angel to offer you some extra support, so if you happen to spot a tall, blond guy in a black leather jacket and a dark red silk shirt over black jeans, that's probably him (seriously, that's how he appeared to me in a dream I had when I was violently ill with the flu; he looks tough, but he's a really patient sort who's helped me through some rough times).

[cockatiel-art.livejournal.com]

**Adds another HuG to the Mix**

Glad the Stoned Kitty party is keeping you happy(ish).

[pink-gecco.livejournal.com]

Huge virtual hugs! Be well and just take care of yourselves. Try not to worry too much about what you are or aren't feeling.

I realized last night that I hadn't actually missed the memorial for your mom. I feel like a bit of a goof.