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About fifteen minutes ago, the dam broke open, at least a little.
I was talking to George when it hit me: My mother is gone. The world is now without her wit, her intelligence, her kindness, and her kick-ass-and–take-names attitude. Her ashes are sitting on my home altar. Her apartment lies empty. Never again will I pick up the phone and call her, or she pick up the phone and call me.
Suddenly, all I wanted was my mommy. And for the first time since she'd died, the sobbing started.
I've just stopped crying; the Novocaine seems to have descended upon my spirit once more, but I feel like I've been run over by a truck.
I just wanted to share this with the world -- grieving, it sucks.
EDITED TO ADD: To cheer myself up a bit, I just gave Emmie and Mina some catnip my mother had been keeping in her freezer. The apartment, it is full of trippin' cats -- running around, stopping dead, staring fixedly at objects, falling... slowly... over, and then repeating the whole chain of events again and again.
That and a tranquillizer are going a little way toward improving my general mood, but I think I'll still turn in early tonight.
I was talking to George when it hit me: My mother is gone. The world is now without her wit, her intelligence, her kindness, and her kick-ass-and–take-names attitude. Her ashes are sitting on my home altar. Her apartment lies empty. Never again will I pick up the phone and call her, or she pick up the phone and call me.
Suddenly, all I wanted was my mommy. And for the first time since she'd died, the sobbing started.
I've just stopped crying; the Novocaine seems to have descended upon my spirit once more, but I feel like I've been run over by a truck.
I just wanted to share this with the world -- grieving, it sucks.
EDITED TO ADD: To cheer myself up a bit, I just gave Emmie and Mina some catnip my mother had been keeping in her freezer. The apartment, it is full of trippin' cats -- running around, stopping dead, staring fixedly at objects, falling... slowly... over, and then repeating the whole chain of events again and again.
That and a tranquillizer are going a little way toward improving my general mood, but I think I'll still turn in early tonight.
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