Informative article and black thoughts

[crowdog66]

For my own reference, but also very informative in general:

Practical Management of Treatment-Resistant Depression

I know the depression is getting really bad when I start Googling "suicide". Today when George was out running errands I found myself thinking that it would be best to just get it over with, but instead I made myself a cup of coffee and did something distracting until he got home. Does that mean I'm not serious? No. I'm deadly serious. But what kind of world is it where dying is just as messy an option as living would be?

All I can seem to do lately is crawl out of bed (very late), spend a bit of time on the internet, do my 30 minutes of exercise (or less), then crawl back into bed.

Everything feels very black, painful, and hopeless right now -- except for brief spasms of hope, which only make the darkness worse when it returns. I'm trying to remember times when I've felt better and trying to keep in mind that I'll feel that way again, but it's almost impossible.

Tonight I'll try the extra dose of Risperdal again and see what happens.

ETA: Another link: Mutant Gene Linked to Treatment-Resistant Depression

ETA II: Another link: Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Comments

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

I agree that medications are too readily resorted to in many cases. In my own case, though, I do think they're essential -- when I try to go off them, I spiral down into deep suicidal depression quite rapidly. I might be able to do without them in the long term, but the problem would be surviving the short term while I was "coming down" from their effects.

Did you have any particular "combined therapies" in mind? I'm open to any suggestions at this point. :-)

I hadn't thought of a daylight lamp, but it's a good idea. I could pick one up from the Health Sciences Centre store. Maybe I'll price them out when I go to see my psychiatrist this Friday.