Informative article and black thoughts

[crowdog66]

For my own reference, but also very informative in general:

Practical Management of Treatment-Resistant Depression

I know the depression is getting really bad when I start Googling "suicide". Today when George was out running errands I found myself thinking that it would be best to just get it over with, but instead I made myself a cup of coffee and did something distracting until he got home. Does that mean I'm not serious? No. I'm deadly serious. But what kind of world is it where dying is just as messy an option as living would be?

All I can seem to do lately is crawl out of bed (very late), spend a bit of time on the internet, do my 30 minutes of exercise (or less), then crawl back into bed.

Everything feels very black, painful, and hopeless right now -- except for brief spasms of hope, which only make the darkness worse when it returns. I'm trying to remember times when I've felt better and trying to keep in mind that I'll feel that way again, but it's almost impossible.

Tonight I'll try the extra dose of Risperdal again and see what happens.

ETA: Another link: Mutant Gene Linked to Treatment-Resistant Depression

ETA II: Another link: Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Comments

[chimera452.livejournal.com]

In addition to what sammelsadvocate had to say about "daylight" lamps, you might also want to consider taking a vitamin D supplement. It's the vitamin D, which our bodies make when exposed to sunlight, that is deficiant during the dark winter months, and which can be a contributing factor in depression. I started taking daily supplements of vitamin D (400 IU) last winter, and my husband and kids have commented on the change in my mood. Apparently, I'm a lot less...um...grouchy now.

Hang in there. I'm here if you need me. Perhaps we can have another girls' night out. I think it would be good for you to get out of the house, and it would be nice for me to do something other than just run errands on my weekly night out. We could dissect another movie and have some good food and conversation.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm. My GP recommended Vitamin D as well. I'm taking a calcium supplement that is Vitamin D enriched, but not as often as I should.

Friday night might work out well for a girls' night out. I'm going to double check with George, but I'm pretty sure that evening is open for me. And yes, the opportunity to get out and about would probably do me a world of good. :-)

I'll give you a call tonight or tomorrow.

[sammelsadvocate.livejournal.com]

Just a suggestion. I saw Pan's Labyrinth which opens tomorrow (Friday) in theaters and really enjoyed it.

Just a warning, it's violent and dark, but it might be cathartic for you Laurie.