(no subject)

[crowdog66]

A horrible, horrible day. My thoughts feel rotten and fragile, and my emotions poisonous. Everything is overwhelming and every stimulus fills me with fear, despair, and dread. I'm very close to deciding that yesterday's Beltane festival might be a good note to go out on; after all, a fellow from Holly's class is running a full moon ritual in May (which he invited the group I coordinate to attend), and the chances are pretty good that once they see someone else in practice, the people from my group will jump ship to his anyway. Robin has the full list of contact numbers for our Full Moon group, and could pass them on to him if need be.

I saw my psychiatrist today. He's very concerned that I'm "slipping away" again, and wants to see me back in 8 days (as opposed to the usual 3 week interval) so that if the mood doesn't break, we can "jump on it" -- whatever that means.

I'm going to make up a list of people that George will need to contact if things go seriously south for me. The combination of medications I just took might calm things down enough that hurting/killing myself is no longer a danger tonight (while George is in bed asleep). I won't say "hopefully", because frankly? I don't want to be here doing this. I can't fight these demons any longer, especially after having had so many weeks when the back of the depression was broken. And I don't know when the effects of exercise will kick in, even if I start doing it again tomorrow.

Comments

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

*just hugs*

6044186423

if i don't answer i'm sleeping or at work. my offer never changed even if my time zone did.