(no subject)

[crowdog66]

A horrible, horrible day. My thoughts feel rotten and fragile, and my emotions poisonous. Everything is overwhelming and every stimulus fills me with fear, despair, and dread. I'm very close to deciding that yesterday's Beltane festival might be a good note to go out on; after all, a fellow from Holly's class is running a full moon ritual in May (which he invited the group I coordinate to attend), and the chances are pretty good that once they see someone else in practice, the people from my group will jump ship to his anyway. Robin has the full list of contact numbers for our Full Moon group, and could pass them on to him if need be.

I saw my psychiatrist today. He's very concerned that I'm "slipping away" again, and wants to see me back in 8 days (as opposed to the usual 3 week interval) so that if the mood doesn't break, we can "jump on it" -- whatever that means.

I'm going to make up a list of people that George will need to contact if things go seriously south for me. The combination of medications I just took might calm things down enough that hurting/killing myself is no longer a danger tonight (while George is in bed asleep). I won't say "hopefully", because frankly? I don't want to be here doing this. I can't fight these demons any longer, especially after having had so many weeks when the back of the depression was broken. And I don't know when the effects of exercise will kick in, even if I start doing it again tomorrow.

Comments

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

Laurie, the festival is NOT a good note to go out on. Why? Because you will leave people like me behind missing you horribly, wishing that you were still a part of their lives.

If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me and the 63 other people here on LJ who list you as a friend and who will miss you. Let yourself rest and let me fight for you. I'm gunnin' for you, baby. ::Loads up the Holy Shotgun, chambers a round -- chikk-chakk::

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm hanging on; the medication has kicked in and I'm feeling a tiny bit better.

As always, the words of support are so very appreciated. Thank you so much!

[dark-puck.livejournal.com]

(757)- 817 - 5485

Call me, right now. Laurie, we love you. We need you here with us. I know you can overcome this -- it's just a bad effect of the cold, I'm sure of it.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

That offer of your phone number means so much to me, but I'm just not up to talking to anyone right now. Just the thought makes me start shaking! But I AM feeling a bit better (thank God for medication!), well enough that I'm pretty sure I'm going to make it through tonight. If I start to spin out, I'll call you. I promise.

[dark-puck.livejournal.com]

Good. I'll be awake. No matter what time it is. I promise you that - it's about all I can do.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*shakes head* No need to stay awake entirely on my account... I'd feel pretty bad if you were to lose a night's sleep over this. I think I'm going to take another tranquillizer and actually go to bed; hopefully it'll knock me right out until tomorrow morning.

George is here for me if necessary, and if worst comes to worst he'll take me into the nearest hospital. I just hate making HIM lose a night's sleep over this sort of thing... but that's how it is with depression, isn't it? You don't want to bother anybody. It's a vicious circle.

[dark-puck.livejournal.com]

Eh, I can sleep tomorrow.

But sleep for you is probably a good idea. Good night, good luck, and see you later. ^_^

[beckyh2112.livejournal.com]

Laurie?

I'm here for you. Please, if you ever need to talk, call me, IM me, whatever. Get in touch with me. Please.

*hugs tightly and won't let go*

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

I think I'm stable, or at least more stable than I was a few hours ago. It's not going to be a fun night, but I think I'll get through it.

If I need to, I'll jump on AIM to see who's on. There are also people I can call locally and long distance, and if worst comes to worst, George can always take me to the nearest hospital.

The love and support of my friends is part of what gets me through these long, dark nights of the soul. Hopefully things will get better over the next few days.

[beckyh2112.livejournal.com]

*cuddles*

That's good. That's very good.

... I found a video to "The Last Saskatchewan Pirate". I dunno, maybe it'll amuse you.

[gg-crono.livejournal.com]

Hey, um, I know I don't know you as well as most, but... *hugs*

I can't think of anything to say that won't sound horribly fake, so just...take care, kay? Things'll work out sooner or later.

[metisbutterfly.livejournal.com]

Laurie..we love and are here for you. Try to remember that hon.
((hugs))

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

*just hugs*

6044186423

if i don't answer i'm sleeping or at work. my offer never changed even if my time zone did.

[cockatiel-art.livejournal.com]

**HUGGGGGGGGGGZZZZZZZZZZZZZ** We're here. We'e always here. if not now, we will be here. We'll swim an eternity to try and get to you if we can't. **HUgssssssssz again**