Survived today

I got through a full shift of work both today and yesterday with pure blood and spit, minute to minute, using the skills I learned in DBT: distress tolerance, non-judgemental stance, living minute to minute. Barely made it both times, but did it.

The pain is hot and close on both sides, like an animal pen. I can't see around me, or in front of me, or behind me or above me. It's all suffering, doubt, pain, and self-loathing, like hot breath on the back of my neck that I can't shake. And I'm starting to panic.