Another day, another ache

[crowdog66]

Just awake and in a great deal of emotional pain. Add the stress of Photoshop CS crashing on a regular basis, an eBay auctioner requiring payment ASAP and then NOT including his mailing address on the invoice, and taking my psychiatrist's note into Ipsos-Reid this afternoon, and I'm wrecked up even more.

I caught myself looking fixedly at the studio box-cutters while waiting for Eudora mail to load. Not good. Maybe I'll take yet another tranquillizer, though I really hate using "spot" medication so often.

I'm trying to turn my mind by thinking of positive things, but can't seem to make it stick for very long. More than anything else I'm just so damned tired, a kind of tired that eleven hours of sleep doesn't even begin to touch because it's a weariness of the soul.

Okay. Positive things.

1) The rice cooker George and I received for Christmas from John and Susan. It's a wonderful little device, and we're really looking forward to firing it up some evening soon.

2) All the pictures we've recently "discovered" of Micawber (though that also brings back an intense longing for him and for our old apartment).

3) The fact that I have a regular project in The Hardy Boys, even though right now working on it is like dragging myself through broken glass.

4) The way my thighs are starting to get noticably thinner. Exercise actually works. D'oh.

5) The Great Monthly Bleed-Off is almost over. Huzzah!

6) The movie score to Chicago. "Cell Block Tango" totally rocks.

7) All my LJ friends who read posts like this and don't get utterly sick and tired of me.

Comments

[elaryn.livejournal.com]

I can only speak for myself, but I am sure they would agree that we are NOT "sick of you."

You remain in my thoughts and prayers. ::hugs::

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* Thank you, as always. :-D

[beckyh2112.livejournal.com]

Rice cookers are wonderful, wonderful little tools. My Mom got one a year or so ago, and now we always have absolutely perfect rice. (And considering as we have Chinese, Korean, and Japanese meals all the time at home, this is important.)

Yes, exercise works quite nicely. *has noticed her own legs growing quite muscular since she moved out to the dorms, where she has a fifteen minute walk to the quad every week day* Do you play music while you work out?

Also... *hugs CD* Love you.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

The rice cooker will be more useful to George than to me, since 1/3 of a cup of rice equals 15 grams of carbs, and I'm only allowed a total of 60 grams per meal. Still, if we use brown rice... mmmm.

And I work out to a Kathy Smith step exercise video that includes music. :-)

*hugs back*

[madra-liath.livejournal.com]

Go you for losing some weight! I wish I had the discipline to stick to an exercise programme.
And don't ever not post how you're feeling because you think people would "get sick of you". If you can't let it out here, where can you let it out?
*cuddles crowdog*

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*hugs back... and tickles tummy* ^_^

[lacontessamala.livejournal.com]

Huzzah for the monthlies being over!

And I, for one, am certainly not sick of you. :)

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Thanks... :-D

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

That is a pretty good list of positives... :D And after all these years, I'll never be "sick and tired" of you. Ever. I care for you a huge amount and am glad you use this outlet no matter what.. *hugs*

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*huge hugs back...*

You know what I just realized? I haven't mailed off your Christmas gift yet. Gack!

Er... New Years present?

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

LOL Birthday at the least ;) Since it's the 3rd ^_^

S'all good *hugs* ^^

[ravyne-hawke.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tightly* oh I know how you feel hun about not being able to hold positive thoughts for too long. The damnable darkies are starting to creep back in on me again too :( Reading your journal actually helps me on my darkest days, so I will NEVER grow tired of reading your words. You will LOVE the rice maker and wonder how you ever got along without one for so long. Even brown rice cooks up quickly in a rice cooker *beams* And congrats on the exercise programme working so well for you :) I really need to get back into my yoga and pilates.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

I've heard PIlates is wonderful stuff, but I feel self-conscious enough just working with a step... I can't IMAGINE working out with a big ol' ball! *grin*

And I'm glad that my posts help, even a little.

[pink-gecco.livejournal.com]

I tried pilates last summer at the community center. It is pretty neat but requires a little bit of balance (which is something I lack so it was pretty entertaining). If you're interested you can get the pilates balls pretty cheap at SuperStore. Or, you can let me know and I'll lend you mine. I probably won't be getting back into it for a while.

It always seemed to make me feel taller. :)

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

"Cell Block Tango".... heh-heh-heh... I've been having the delicious mental image of some of the men of DegSep performing that.... in drag. Including, though certainly not limited to the Merv (in Third Iteration mode, the shell with the strange sense of humor, and in that mode, he'd be only too willing. Not sure which one he'd be, possibly the one with the line "he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times.) and Flood (who'd be only too UNwilling. Though I could hear him as the one who was with the Mormon, saying that "You know, some people just can't hold their arsenic" line in the most snarkastic voice ever).

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Oh, Smith would definitely be the "pop" member: "... so I grabbed the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots... in. to. his. HEAD."

Neo: "Oh, no. You're not getting me mixed up in this. You're not... I won't... yeah, a download WOULD let me speak Hungarian, but..."

*cut to Neo in a corset and high heels, protesting: "Uh-uh! Not...guilty!"*

[metisbutterfly.livejournal.com]

Crowdog, i honestly always look forward to your entries and they encouraged me to be more honest in my livejournal..seriously. You're an inspiration!
I love the chicago soundtrack too..i've been known to belt out "when you're good to mama" while in traffic lol.
Rice cookers rock in what they do, but just to warn you they are hellish to clean. One of my friends had one in a college dorm and guess who always ended up cleaning it?? ugh.
Anyhoo, you're in my thoughts and prayers as always.