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Got up at 8 am, groaned and drank a lot of coffee, then hopped on a bus in the cold morning sunshine for the 50-minute trip out to my GP's office. Arrived a bit early, only to be told that my appointment is actually on DECEMBER 28th. >.<

Swallowed the impulse to scream. Instead, sat down in the waiting room until my mother arrived. We went for breakfast, after which I hopped back on a bus and went down to Polo Park to get some step training equipment.

Except that not. A. Single. Store. In. The. Mall. CARRIES. Step. Training. Equipment. No, not the department stores, and heaven forbid, not the actual sports stores! Cue the second >.< of the day, as I realize that I'll have to hop a cab and ride 10 minutes out to the nearest sports warehouse store that actually HAS the equipment I'm looking for.

$53 later, I emerge with step training equipment -- and no videos to go with it.

Back to Polo Park via cab. (Cab fees are now in the $18 range, btw.) Check out their HMV, which (surprise surprise) has NO step training videos. They call the Portage Place store, which also comes up empty. They can order it in 3-6 weeks, however.

Third >.<. I say "fuck it" and hop another cab home, because the box of step training equipment is pretty damned heavy and godawfully awkward.

Total cab fees: $28. I am, however, home more than early enough to actually relax, have a glass of Diet Coke with Lime, and start phoning video, audio, and sports stores.

Aaaaaand apparently there is not a step training video to be had in the entire city of Winnipeg.

So I say "fuck it" for the second time and go to wonderful wonderful eBay, where a Kathy Smith step training video which has garnered excellent reviews is up for $9.25 US. Sure, it'll take a couple or four weeks to get here, but that's still a better bet than what HMV was promising, AND it's a little bit cheaper besides. Guess who'll be out mailing postal money orders tomorrow (since we still have to pay for our new monitor)? MEEEEEEEEEEE! Before the Witches Meetup Round Two, of course.

Oh, and the Hardy Boys editor just sent me an OMGPAGEZAREONTHEFTPSITENOWCNUDOTHEMRIGHTAWAYKTHXBYE! email. Bastard! I still have two pages of Marvel Masterworks sample flats to finish, plus the Joe In The Future artist starting to leave nervous phone messages asking if we've started the job yet (we haven't). Gahhhhhhhhh, oh fuck, and >.< unto infinity.

George thinks I should still go to the bellydancing class tonight. *laughter* It IS the last class, so there are arguments both for going and for skipping. Feh...

ETA: Used the Wise Mind skill to take an internal poll, and came to the conclusion that not going to the class tonight is the best thing for me to do at this time. The day has just been too full already, and I don't have that many spoons left. Phoned the instructor, however, and left a phone message thanking her for the class and her hard work, and letting her know how much I enjoyed it and that I'm considering the intermediate course in the future.

I'll download the Hardy Boys pages tonight and work on those Marvel Masterworks flats instead. Then, hopefully, I can get up early again tomorrow and get in a day's work before the Witches Meetup in the evening.

ETA II: How could I have forgotten to mention the Tupperware cream and sugar set I picked up at Polo Park today from a Christmas kiosk? They're dark blue plastic, the creamer is covered as well as the sugar, and they'll be damned near impossible for Emmie to break.

Also got a $5 bill in my cab change today that is registered at Where's Willy?. If you've never heard of Where's Willy, you're missing out on something special... because Where's Willy tracks logged bills across North America and beyond. For example, the bill I got today travelled 10 kilometers since it was first logged in on September 27th -- at an average speed of 0.16 kilometres a day over 61 days, 21 hours, and 44 minutes. Woot!

This link might or might not work to show you one of my bills and how it's been tracked so far.

And check how far THIS one has travelled!
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Wednesday:

After my DBT class, went out with George and a friend to see Electric Edwardians, a 70-minute program of actual motion picture footage from turn of the century Britain. From the website linked above:

For around seventy years, 800 rolls of early nitrate film sat in sealed barrels in the basement of a shop. Now miraculously rediscovered and restored, the Mitchell & Kenyon Collection is an amazing visual record of everyday life in Britain at the beginning of the twentieth century. It is the most exciting film discovery of recent times and promises to radically transform British film history.

It was amazing, awe-inspiring, and sometimes eerie to watch these moving images, which hail from a world as lost to us as Tutankhamen's Egypt. Faces swim out of the crowds, hang luminous in the mind as snapshots of a life long gone, and fade away; children romp, lovers stroll, electric trams sail the streets, a ship's cook proudly shows off his cat, and just as they do today, people see a motion picture camera and crowd around, fascinated. If it comes to a theatre near you, see it. George and I plan to pick the DVDs as soon as we possibly can.

Thursday:

A going-away ritual for an old friend, [livejournal.com profile] eastpath, with the inestimable aid of [livejournal.com profile] cockatiel_art. We created an amulet full of herbs for prosperity, good luck, protection, and purification for her move out to the west coast, as well as presenting her with a small bag of appropriate stones and a Goddess keychain for her new apartment keys, to remind her that her friends far away will still be thinking of her. A reasonably full account of the rite will be given on the [livejournal.com profile] wiccanmoons LJ community in the next few days.

Afterwards, an evening of movies: Lilo and Stitch and Psycho Beach Party. A strange mix, yes, but it certainly seemed to work out well.

Today:

Went downtown and registered for a belly dancing class to begin in September. Then, after paying a bill and having some lunch, off to Health Sciences Centre for an appointment with my psychiatrist. George was good enough to come along even though he'd been working all night. After watching me cry for a while over the intractable pain of my depression, the psych doc admonished me not to be so hard on myself and handed me some Zen Buddhism: one must not get caught up in goals, one must remember the nature of impermanence, that all things fade away, including pain. This crushed me even more: how could I be so stupid as to forget one of the most basic teachings of the DBT course? I left feeling very small and shabby, with an authorization for bloodwork (which I got done at the HSC) in case we make the decision to add anticonvulsants to my medication regimen. *pounds head softly against the nearest wall*

I just don't know if I can stand the prospect that I might never be free of the recurrant desire to end my own life because the pain in my heart and mind is so bad. I know I don't have many troubles compared to a schizophrenic or someone with MS, but what I've got is sometimes more than enough.

Tomorrow:

Initiation into the Black Ring line. Please, let me be strong enough to get through it.

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