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For those of you who like cuteness:
And now, the real deal: I think the new dosage of Effexor, which initially controlled my condition, has just turned bitch-kitty on me.
I lasted my Monday shift at Ipsos, but cut (as in, drew blood). I left two hours into my shift there last night after starting to cut. Although i was able to drag myself into Chris's office to flat "Star Wars", thereby preventing a total loss of the evening, cutting is still not good. I have an agreement with George not to do it... but you know what? Let's break all my agreements. Let's shatter everything and scatter it to the void. Maybe then I can escape this tightly-coiled ball of numbness and panic that my life seems to have become.
I cancelled my shift at Ipsos today as well. I'm going to try to go in to flat "Star Wars", but honestly, I just feel like I want to jump out of my skin -- or cut it into ribbons. Some of you may remember this from my descriptions of being on too high a dosage of Effexor before.
When I started to cut yesterday, what was running through my head was: "I can't be stabilized. I can't be stabilized. I can't be stabilized." All I can do right now is hang on.
God, I hate everything that I am.
And now, the real deal: I think the new dosage of Effexor, which initially controlled my condition, has just turned bitch-kitty on me.
I lasted my Monday shift at Ipsos, but cut (as in, drew blood). I left two hours into my shift there last night after starting to cut. Although i was able to drag myself into Chris's office to flat "Star Wars", thereby preventing a total loss of the evening, cutting is still not good. I have an agreement with George not to do it... but you know what? Let's break all my agreements. Let's shatter everything and scatter it to the void. Maybe then I can escape this tightly-coiled ball of numbness and panic that my life seems to have become.
I cancelled my shift at Ipsos today as well. I'm going to try to go in to flat "Star Wars", but honestly, I just feel like I want to jump out of my skin -- or cut it into ribbons. Some of you may remember this from my descriptions of being on too high a dosage of Effexor before.
When I started to cut yesterday, what was running through my head was: "I can't be stabilized. I can't be stabilized. I can't be stabilized." All I can do right now is hang on.
God, I hate everything that I am.
