Wow, three posts in one day...

[crowdog66]

... and I've only been awake for a small part of it.

Been doing research on anemia. Not a lot of encouraging stuff to be found. Ate two beef patties that George cooked up for me, with aged cheddar, on the principle that it can't hurt.

Trying not to beat myself up about not being able to get any creative work done. There's definitely something physically wrong with me, but there's a wide range of possibilities as to what it could be, including but not limited to:

-- anemia (one of several different kinds, including B-12 deficiency)
-- post-op infection
-- PMS from Hell
-- kidney or liver function problems
-- a new permutation of that old problem, treatment-resistant depression
-- my medication load needs adjustment
-- my diabetes has suddenly taken a severe turn for the worse

I'm going to try to stay up until 10 pm, when I can eat again (probably baked fish sticks with veg), and then I'm going to crawl into bed and die go to sleep like my body's telling me to.

Had a little crying jag earlier this evening. For some reason the thought of my upcoming hysterectomy is hitting me really hard. It's not like I've ever used my uterus or wanted to, but dammit, it's PART of me and I hate the thought of losing it. I'm scared of the surgery, I'm scared of the pain afterwards, and I'm scared of the long recovery time.

Not my best day ever, by a long shot.

Comments

[metisbutterfly.livejournal.com]

I have pernicious anemia (b12 deficiency). It can really bite as it makes you extremely tired and lethargic, but it is quite easily treated.
I wish you all the best on your upcoming surgery..I hope it all goes well.

[redsnake05.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* I hope your doctor gets to the bottom of what's wrong with you really soon, and that it is something that can be easily remedied.

[greenraven.livejournal.com]

:::hug::: I hope you feel better soon.

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

Could you be suffering from a major depressive episode with all the inherent physical and mental side effects because you are facing the hysterectomy?

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

It's possible... mental illness often changes as a person gets older. I might be shifting to a kind of depression that has more physical manifestations than my previous episodes.

But I doubt it. I'm having other symptoms -- the high blood pressure/heart rate, a rash across my back -- that indicate it might be a physical problem. Also, the fatigue I'm experiencing is different from the fatigue I've experienced with depression: it feels profoundly physical, and while I'm occasionally "down" enough that I want to die, I don't have active suicidal ideation.

We'll see what the kidney and hormonal work-ups say next week.