Thanks to all

[crowdog66]

Thanks to all who have been posting in support... :-) It helps, it really does. I hope you'll have the patience to keep posting encouragement as I go through this. I... I don't like to be weak, but... I think I really need it right now.

There. I said it. Well, if I could admit last night that I might end up having to go to the hospital, I suppose I can admit just about anything about how far down I've gone.

Comments

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

I've found myself so strung out that I tried checking into a local mental hospital, two years back when I had to give up my job because I was so bent out of shape from breaking up with my ex-fiance and then getting emotionally man-handled by the bosses at the store I was working in. I was in so much pain that I couldn't think of any way to stop it except to end my life. But there was one thread of my unravelled sanity that just refused to break; I had the closest thing to a nervous breakdown in the middle of a session with my therapist, so she encouraged me to have myself admitted... At first I was refusing, but even though I was so messed up, I realized she had a point. I'd almost jumped into a brook near our house a week before this incident, and I'd been having thoughts about sticking my fingers into electrical outlets as well... I didn't trust myself any longer... So I took her advice: she made the call for me... I have to admit, it was one of the least pleasant experiences (the nurses took away the pillbox of Advil that I keep with me for my headaches/cramps, even though there were only two tablets, and they were going to take the laces out of my shoes, but they found I was wearing button shoes), but I realize I did the right thing.... In some ways, the admissions process was so annoying that it diminished some of my pain, by contrast!

If you're online, I'm right here, and I'll be here for a while yet. IM me...