![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Yesterday I made a mistake that almost ruined the handfasting. More on that later if I can bring myself to speak of it.
Today I found myself wandering aimlessly, able to settle on nothing. Apparently this can be part of the grieving process. I keep focussing on moments of my mother's life that I can recall, and then realizing that everything she knew -- her thoughts, her dreams, the internal record of her experiences -- is gone forever. It's a horrible and sobering thought.
I was also suicidal today for the first time in a long time, but the feelings weren't strong enough to wake George up over.
I'm sorry now that I wasted most of the day in bed. My sleep schedule has been severely bent out of shape as a result. If I have too much trouble getting to sleep tonight, I can always take a tranquillizer.
George hasn't woken up yet, and right now I feel like the most alone person on the face of the planet.
Today I found myself wandering aimlessly, able to settle on nothing. Apparently this can be part of the grieving process. I keep focussing on moments of my mother's life that I can recall, and then realizing that everything she knew -- her thoughts, her dreams, the internal record of her experiences -- is gone forever. It's a horrible and sobering thought.
I was also suicidal today for the first time in a long time, but the feelings weren't strong enough to wake George up over.
I'm sorry now that I wasted most of the day in bed. My sleep schedule has been severely bent out of shape as a result. If I have too much trouble getting to sleep tonight, I can always take a tranquillizer.
George hasn't woken up yet, and right now I feel like the most alone person on the face of the planet.
◾ Tags:
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Everything that your mother knew ISN'T gone forever. You carrry a part of her memories within you. You were a part of her life. You were a part of what she knew. As long as you are around, my friend, so is she. You will keep her alive and that is something to celebrate because she sounds like she was an amazing woman who gave birth to an equaling amazing daugther.
Bright Blessings!