The dark side of the day

[crowdog66]

Yesterday I made a mistake that almost ruined the handfasting. More on that later if I can bring myself to speak of it.

Today I found myself wandering aimlessly, able to settle on nothing. Apparently this can be part of the grieving process. I keep focussing on moments of my mother's life that I can recall, and then realizing that everything she knew -- her thoughts, her dreams, the internal record of her experiences -- is gone forever. It's a horrible and sobering thought.

I was also suicidal today for the first time in a long time, but the feelings weren't strong enough to wake George up over.

I'm sorry now that I wasted most of the day in bed. My sleep schedule has been severely bent out of shape as a result. If I have too much trouble getting to sleep tonight, I can always take a tranquillizer.

George hasn't woken up yet, and right now I feel like the most alone person on the face of the planet.

Comments

[elaryn.livejournal.com]

You remain in our thoughts and our prayers. I feel like anything else I might could say would be a bit lame, such as "It's hard," or anything like that, but I hope things start looking up for you soon. *hugs*