Pumped!

[crowdog66]

Just finished exercising, and I'm quite pumped up in all dimensions -- physical, emotional, and mental. Yesterday and this morning I was fretting about going back to Ipsos again. Now I feel that I'm up to taking it on.

Last night I took one of those online depression tests that's been making the rounds of LJ, and it brought home to me how much I've changed. This is how I would have scored a few months ago:

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Very High
Dysthymia:	Extremely High
Bipolar Disorder:	Slight
Cyclothymia:	Slight
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Very High
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

And this is how I'm scoring now:

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Slight-Moderate
Dysthymia:	Slight-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Slight
Cyclothymia:	High-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	High
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

This brought on feelings of fear and doubt. In the past "happiness" = "thin ice". When will this season of feeling good end, and how fast, and how hard? Although rationally I know that as long as I keep up the exercise (which seems to be the decisive factor) and manage my medications I should continue to feel less depressed, emotionally I'm shaking in my shoes.

I guess all I can do is keep going, even though last night, for the first time in many many days, I felt like crawling into bed and never getting out of it again. *sigh* It's hard to change your entire way of living. Old habits are familiar habits, and difficult to let go of sometimes in favor of the new.

Went to the library yesterday before the DBT session, and picked up a few good books. More on those later when I have them handy. Also, one of the women at the DBT session loaned me three Richard Simmons tapes: Sweatin' to the Oldies 1 & 2 and Groovin' in the House. I started watching all three of them last night, and am coming to the conclusion that in finding Dance Your Pants Off! I may have discovered the one Richard Simmons workout I'll actually like. But I'm going to finish watching the new tapes and see if I warm up to them. So far, Sweatin' to the Oldies 2 looks the most promising.

Off to have a shower, then out to the bank, over to pay a bill, and back to Ipsos. Heh. My first Ipsos paycheque hit my account today. $192 for the three days of training. Woot!

Comments

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

You should be proud of where you are scoring now.. *hugs*

It is very hard to change habits.. believe me I'm going thru it now too....

have a good day :)

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

Yay! Whoop-de-doo for you! Glad to see the progress that you've made! That's a great feeling, to look back on one's own recovery and see how far you've come. And I can say this and mean it: I know how you feel.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs* It's always wonderful to hear from you, and yeah... change is hard, but good. I think it's worth the struggle.

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks! It's hard to change and recover, but I know you can appreciate from personal experience both how difficult and how rewarding it can be.

Hang in there. :-)

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

*hugs* :D

[metisbutterfly.livejournal.com]

"when you're going through hell, keep going"
-winston churchill.

I'm walking with you sister :)