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*stretches, sighs*
A mixed bag. At 3:30 pm, precisely half an hour before my first training shift was due to start, I was hit by a panic attack roughly the shape of a Mac truck -- and this while I was at the downtown library, not even IN the Ipsos-Reid offices. I was able to use DBT Distress Tolerance skills to get through the first wave of it, which enabled me to actually get to I-R. However, as waves kept rolling over me while I sat in the training room waiting for the shift to start, I decided to take half a Diazepam tablet to even out the worst spikes of anxiety, which worked well enough to get me through the shift.
We didn't hit the phones (we'll be doing that today *sweatdrop*), just went over the basics of operating the computer systems, the philosophy behind market research, and how to handle and control respondants (which isn't as devious as it sounds, basically consisting of how to assure them about the nature of market research and confidentiality, as well as ways to prevent the surveys from running overtime). I'll never forget the instructor's pointed lesson about how assumptions can lead to bad products, when he produced a canned chicken from under the desk and told us that while said chicken (canned in chicken broth!) offered quick and easy chicken to the masses, the masses stayed away from it in droves. A bit of market research might have demonstrated that although it's certainly convenient, the "ew" factor of a cooked whole chicken in a can was (and still is) overpowering.
But back to the basics... it all came back to me so very fast. *smile* Although as soon as I logged in (my old employee number and password still being active), I had to acknowledge a shitload of "Medical Leave" tags for every single shift I've missed since I departed over a year ago.
Interspersed with the "Wow, I can still do it!" response were spikes of "OMG, I'm actually here again! CAN I do this?". Apparently someone else shared the latter feelings: she left for lunch at the same time as the rest of the students, leaving her paperwork behind (including the carbon for her shift request form, handed in to the instructor at the beginning of the class) -- and simply never came back. And this AFTER the instructor told us that if we felt the job absolutely wasn't for us, we shouldn't just sneak out, but at least tell communicate our decision to a higher-up. *headdesk* Which she hadn't, since the instructor, after she was ten minutes late, felt compelled to go looking for her, leaving the rest of us to study our course notes. Was she stupid, or just scared? I guess we'll never know.
Today we're actually going to be on the phones. I'm really scared, but trying my best to cheerlead internally and keep myself oriented to my goals, and the fact that at bottom it really isn't THAT difficult a job. And damn, I was good at it, one of their top interviewers in terms of quality. That's probably why they've been so good about accomodating my needs, almost bending over backwards to encourage me to return to work. I owe it to them -- and to myself -- to give it my best shot, and not give up too easily. It's going to be tricky to strike a balance between that determination to succeed and the need to acknowledge that if it gets too hard and too terrifying, I will have to take my leave.
But I promised myself I'd think positive, right? So: I'm good at the job. It's not that hard. If people get angry at me on the phone, I can't take it personally: they don't know me from Adam. And if I keep the right tone and convey through that tone that what I'm doing is important and interesting, it should all flow from there.
A mixed bag. At 3:30 pm, precisely half an hour before my first training shift was due to start, I was hit by a panic attack roughly the shape of a Mac truck -- and this while I was at the downtown library, not even IN the Ipsos-Reid offices. I was able to use DBT Distress Tolerance skills to get through the first wave of it, which enabled me to actually get to I-R. However, as waves kept rolling over me while I sat in the training room waiting for the shift to start, I decided to take half a Diazepam tablet to even out the worst spikes of anxiety, which worked well enough to get me through the shift.
We didn't hit the phones (we'll be doing that today *sweatdrop*), just went over the basics of operating the computer systems, the philosophy behind market research, and how to handle and control respondants (which isn't as devious as it sounds, basically consisting of how to assure them about the nature of market research and confidentiality, as well as ways to prevent the surveys from running overtime). I'll never forget the instructor's pointed lesson about how assumptions can lead to bad products, when he produced a canned chicken from under the desk and told us that while said chicken (canned in chicken broth!) offered quick and easy chicken to the masses, the masses stayed away from it in droves. A bit of market research might have demonstrated that although it's certainly convenient, the "ew" factor of a cooked whole chicken in a can was (and still is) overpowering.
But back to the basics... it all came back to me so very fast. *smile* Although as soon as I logged in (my old employee number and password still being active), I had to acknowledge a shitload of "Medical Leave" tags for every single shift I've missed since I departed over a year ago.
Interspersed with the "Wow, I can still do it!" response were spikes of "OMG, I'm actually here again! CAN I do this?". Apparently someone else shared the latter feelings: she left for lunch at the same time as the rest of the students, leaving her paperwork behind (including the carbon for her shift request form, handed in to the instructor at the beginning of the class) -- and simply never came back. And this AFTER the instructor told us that if we felt the job absolutely wasn't for us, we shouldn't just sneak out, but at least tell communicate our decision to a higher-up. *headdesk* Which she hadn't, since the instructor, after she was ten minutes late, felt compelled to go looking for her, leaving the rest of us to study our course notes. Was she stupid, or just scared? I guess we'll never know.
Today we're actually going to be on the phones. I'm really scared, but trying my best to cheerlead internally and keep myself oriented to my goals, and the fact that at bottom it really isn't THAT difficult a job. And damn, I was good at it, one of their top interviewers in terms of quality. That's probably why they've been so good about accomodating my needs, almost bending over backwards to encourage me to return to work. I owe it to them -- and to myself -- to give it my best shot, and not give up too easily. It's going to be tricky to strike a balance between that determination to succeed and the need to acknowledge that if it gets too hard and too terrifying, I will have to take my leave.
But I promised myself I'd think positive, right? So: I'm good at the job. It's not that hard. If people get angry at me on the phone, I can't take it personally: they don't know me from Adam. And if I keep the right tone and convey through that tone that what I'm doing is important and interesting, it should all flow from there.
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(no subject)
quick question..what is the simple difference between lorazapam and diazapam? I have Ativan for emergencies but have never taken it, it freaks me out..how does the lorazapam make you feel? I've heard it can be addicting so it freaks me out.
(no subject)
I'm not sure what the difference is, to be honest. And I haven't found Diazepam to be the least bit addicting. I use it when I need it, and feel no craving for it when I'm not taking it. It's a great tool in my arsenal against anxiety and depression.
I've taken Lorazapam as well, and found the feelings generated by the two to be very similar: a sense of inner calm and serenity, of being "wrapped in cotton batton" in an emotional sense. They also tend to make me a bit sleepy, but different people can react in slightly different ways to the same medication, so I'd say try it out for yourself to be sure.
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