Bugger

[crowdog66]

It looks like GAFF is down. Either that, or it's an attempt to harvest passwords.

We'll see.

ETA: GAFF is back up. Confetti and noisemakers for everybody.

Meh. I'm exhausted. Off to take a hot bath, then possibly to bed. Suddenly I feel like I just can't handle life...

ETA: The fact of the matter is, DBT was a bitch today. The session dealt with interpersonal effectiveness, and just drove home to me how fucking many SKILLS we need to learn and use to create a life that's worth living... because frankly, a lot of the time I feel like my life is not. One of the analogies trotted out was that of the batter in the batting cage, where regardless of whether or not you swing that bat, the balls just keep coming. The counsellors called it the choice of to swing or not to swing. And I thought, "What about the choice to just drop the bat and walk right out of the cage?"

I'm so tired of repetitive suicidality. Especially when it alternates on the split-second with feelings of being healthy and able to cope. The result is a really miserable form of mental whiplash.

ETA II: One tranquillizer, down the hatch. Tuning into Radio Zero-One -- a station I highly recommend, because he_dreams_awake has some interesting and profound things to say along with some kick-ass music -- until the medication kicks in.

I wish I didn't feel so damned useless, but it's probably entirely my own fault.

Comments

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

Aaaand I think Constantine might have decided to borrow my hands for the monent there, since that sounded more like him. Sorry about that! He's helped me through some tense moments of my own, though granted, he's never the hold-your-hand-and-comfort-you sort.