To fall, and to fall hard

Last night, in case I thought it had ever really gone away, the serious, murderous depression came back.

Dorothy Parker once described it as being ground between two very large, smooth stones. A pretty good description.

Suddenly I can't seem to handle anything any more. The slightest stress sets me off screaming.

And as of today, my psych doc has gone on vacation until July 18th.

Talk about timing.

Vinegar and donuts

Every thought feels like it's soaked in vinegar. Every breath is like breathing sand. Everything I touch seems wrong.

Guess I just have to accept that this is how I feel right now (DBT skill: Radical Acceptance) and not make it worse by beating myself up over it (DBT skill: Non-Judgemental Stance).

But I did get some walking in today, plus twenty sit-ups. I'm feeling sort of proud that I managed to do anything at all. That, and rented a whole whack o' movies, including the last two Matrix films, some anime titles (Armitage III, Doomed Megalopolis and Project A-ko, the last two real blasts from my past), and a documentary about what life on Earth might be like 200 million years from now.

Tomorrow -- laundry. I'm so far behind I have to start gathering energy for it now.

( Three other things that are stressing me out and making me sad/gnash my teeth )

Okay, off to do some Hardy Boys flats. Or at least the best that I can.

EDITTED TO ADD: Another thing to rejoice over -- I just found out that your average cake donut has, count 'em, 30 CARBS. Per donut.

*whimpers like a little baby puppy, and looks longingly and hopelessly at the box of donuts I picked up for George on the way home*