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Slept 18 hours straight last night, and could barely drag myself out of bed afterwards. Plagued by horrible oppressive nightmares, probably triggered by being with my mother yesterday -- nightmares of moving to Vancouver and being trapped in a strange new apartment, without medication or a doctor or anyone I could talk to. Right now I feel shakey, spaced-out, quietly terrified, and on the verge of cutting myself, or worse.
Why do I go on? Every moment is torture, every breath so hard to take. Waves of emotional and mental agony keep sweeping over me, leaving me curled up on the couch quietly sobbing. And I don't want to wake up George, who worked all night last night and most of today and really needs his rest.
I know I should go out for a walk, as well as pick up some more Effexor (which I ran out of last night) but I honestly can't bring myself to leave the apartment. The light of the evening sun through the windows feels threatening and pitiless, weighing me down and filling me with even more fear.
The worst part, arguably, is that in some ways I'm still able to function at quite a high level. I was just in Yahoo Religion chat, and I doubt anyone knew anything was really wrong...
Just took a half of a Seroquel tablet. Maybe it will stop the destructive spirals of thought. I hope it helps, and soon.
Why do I go on? Every moment is torture, every breath so hard to take. Waves of emotional and mental agony keep sweeping over me, leaving me curled up on the couch quietly sobbing. And I don't want to wake up George, who worked all night last night and most of today and really needs his rest.
I know I should go out for a walk, as well as pick up some more Effexor (which I ran out of last night) but I honestly can't bring myself to leave the apartment. The light of the evening sun through the windows feels threatening and pitiless, weighing me down and filling me with even more fear.
The worst part, arguably, is that in some ways I'm still able to function at quite a high level. I was just in Yahoo Religion chat, and I doubt anyone knew anything was really wrong...
Just took a half of a Seroquel tablet. Maybe it will stop the destructive spirals of thought. I hope it helps, and soon.
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