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First day back to work after Micawber's death. It was hard -- kept being hit with memories, random emotions, images of his lifeless body in comparison to his healthy, loving energy -- but I got through it without crying and ruining my speaking voice.
Talking it over with my husband, I can see that we're both circling between opposite poles of intense emotion: the pain of loss and the recognition that Micawber had a truly wonderful life. As George says: "We're not crying for him -- we're crying for ourselves."
For glancing up from making a meat sandwich and expecting to see a certain expectant grey head in the kitchen doorway. For sitting down on the couch and making a lap that is never filled with warm, solid, purring affection. For seeing the brown blanket (Micawber's favorite) spread out on the bed and realizing that we'll never, ever again see him curled up in a blissful crescent, sleeping the afternoon away.
Emmie... she's just not the same type of cat. We're hoping that Micawber's absence will actually be a *good* thing for her -- that it will give her a few years to blossom, out from under his shadow of dominance.
Overall, we're better. "Give death his due..." Yes, and never let it ruin that life that remains.
Talking it over with my husband, I can see that we're both circling between opposite poles of intense emotion: the pain of loss and the recognition that Micawber had a truly wonderful life. As George says: "We're not crying for him -- we're crying for ourselves."
For glancing up from making a meat sandwich and expecting to see a certain expectant grey head in the kitchen doorway. For sitting down on the couch and making a lap that is never filled with warm, solid, purring affection. For seeing the brown blanket (Micawber's favorite) spread out on the bed and realizing that we'll never, ever again see him curled up in a blissful crescent, sleeping the afternoon away.
Emmie... she's just not the same type of cat. We're hoping that Micawber's absence will actually be a *good* thing for her -- that it will give her a few years to blossom, out from under his shadow of dominance.
Overall, we're better. "Give death his due..." Yes, and never let it ruin that life that remains.
