Responses and the obituary

[crowdog66]

To everyone who responded to the post, "My mother is gone", thank you again -- and I have responded to each of your responses.

http://crowdog66.livejournal.com/314317.html

Not all of them are models of eloquence -- my brain feels like it's made of applesauce right now -- but they're heartfelt, every one.

I'm concerned about my own grieving process right now. Mostly what I feel is... nothing, aside from a certain amount of gratitude that she died the way she wanted to die, and a certain amount of stress over the nuts and bolts of wrapping up her life (tomorrow we go to see the funeral home regarding her cremation, and as for cleaning out her apartment... *shudders* I really don't want to deal with her landlord at this point, but I'll have to in the next week at the outside).

Here is her obituary, with details of when and where the service is. It will appear in the Saturday edition of the Winnipeg Free Press.

BARBARA LEONA SMITH
May 17th 1936 - June 3rd 2007

Peacefully, after a valiant battle with lung cancer, at the Riverview Health Centre. Barbara, also known as “Lee”, was known and loved by many for her skills as a library technician and as a teacher. She established three school libraries in Winnipeg and ran several more before retiring in 2000.

Barbara loved music, gardening, and animals, and faced her diagnosis of cancer with great courage. She is survived by her daughter Laurie and son-in-law George as well as by her beloved cat Mina, and by many friends and former students whose lives she touched. No one who met Barbara could forget her intelligence, willpower, and kindness.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Winnipeg Humane Society in Barbara Smith’s memory and in her name, toward purchasing a plaque in her honour. Please call 982-2041 for more information.

Our sincere thanks to the staff at the Riverview palliative ward for their excellent and compassionate care.

An informal afternoon of memories will be held at the Thomas Sill Auditorium at Riverview Health Centre, on Wednesday June 20th, from 2:30-4:30 pm.

“In the arms of the Goddess, from death to rebirth, you shall go forth.”

Comments

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

That is an absolutely beautiful obit. *hugs* I never knew she was a library technician... she must have had such a love of books. :) I'm glad that the Humane society has that plaque to honour her. It seems so appropriate. *more hugs*

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

We haven't purchased the plaque yet -- the aim is to collect enough donations to cover the cost. Was that not clear enough in the obit? *frets*

But thank you for the kind words. :-)

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

mmm nono... just meaning it's nice that they do something like that :) sorry been on my feet all day makes my brain mushy ;)

[metisbutterfly.livejournal.com]

That is a beautiful obituary, Laurie. Do you still need our help with the obituary ??? ie the credit card?? Just let me know.
Agh, unfortunately the memorial is the day before my wedding...i'm not sure if i will be able to make it :(. But rest assured, i have a candle burning for your mom, and am absolutely here for you as you need.
Blessings
Morgaine

[crowdog66.livejournal.com]

Thank you... and gah, I never got back to you re: the credit card... no, a member of George's family was willing and able to help out (never bother your friends when you can bother family first, non?). But thank you SO much for being willing to lend us a hand!

And I completely understand about the day before your wedding being full enough as it is. I'm not sure if George and I will be able to attend your wedding for the opposite reason: we might not be in emotional shape for it after the memorial.

[metisbutterfly.livejournal.com]

hi dear one
Glad to hear that George's family could help. And not to worry about the wedding, i totally understand, thank you for understanding!!!!
again, still here if you need us...

[bodi-kat.livejournal.com]

Laurie-

For the first two days or so after my father passed away, i felt, as you have said, nothing.

Oh, i cried- i cried copious amounts, in fact, but i attribute that more to the fact that i was 30 weeks pregant with Liam at the time than anything else.

Da's death was very sudden and unexpected, so i was numb. Once the preparations were underway, i had moments here and there where i felt more of the loss, but it all really didn't hit me for a week or so.

In your case, you have had a little time to prepare- far less time than i expected you to have, i must say (and possibly less time than you expected yourself?), but you've already been mourning, too.

i'm sorry i have so little to say of comfort, but i just wanted you to know that grieving isn't a cut and dried issue, it's a journey- to be honest, you will always grieve the loss of your mother- but with time, the pain when you think of that loss will lessen. i still miss my Da, but i don't burst into tears thinking of him. In fact, i tend to smile about little things that he'd have liked, etc. Sometimes, i do still cry. It happens.

You may not ever feel as though you are "mourning" (i've seen it happen), but that's okay, too. You won't be betraying her memory, either way.

i will talk with you soon, and i will see you on the 20th, if not before.

Call if there's anything you need. i can call you, if that won't be too intrusive to your dealings??

Many hugs

[eleanore-c.livejournal.com]

Laurie, as Bodi Cat says, mourning is individual, but usually there is some numbness initially, maybe because there are so many details to take care of. Later, different things and circumstances will trigger memories. At first it will make you sad but after a while, you'll be able to think of happy times and as she says, smile a little. That being said, there are still times when I miss my dad.

[karmyn75.livejournal.com]

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. She sounds like she was a wonderful person.

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

That's an utterly lovely obituary, and a fitting tribute to your mom!

[chimera452.livejournal.com]

It's a lovely obituary, Laurie. I never new your mom was a library technician. When I was in junior high at Sargent Park School, I didn't have a lot of friends and took refuge in the library. The librarian allowed me to help her shelve returned books and organize the cards of checked-out books. She was one of the few people that I could confide in at the time. Coincidentally, her name was Mrs. Smith. I don't think she was your mother, because I checked my yearbooks and her first name began with an M (I think it might have been Maggie), but I attribute my love of books and my fondness of libraries to her.

As for your grieving process, I wouldn't worry. As eleanore c said, mourning is individual. I've only cried once since my father died, and that was just at the moment of death. Even then, I didn't sob or wail out loud, I just had tears quietly falling down my face. I felt some sadness in the following days, but mostly I was relieved that my dad was no longer suffering. Since then I've occasionally found myself missing him and wished that he was still here with us, but I haven't cried about it. Does this mean that I didn't love him, and that I should be beating myself for not mourning him 'properly'? No. I think that the mourning process in my case began long before my dad actually died, possibly as far back as when he was first diagnosed with his cancer. I have heard that this is not uncommon for people mourning someone who has died after a long illness, and this may be the case for you, too. However you grieve, please don't feel that you're not honouring your mother's memory enough. There is no right or wrong way to mourn.

[sammelsadvocate.livejournal.com]

It's a lovely obituary Laurie. I'm free Monday evening, Tuesday late afternoon and evening and all day Wednesday if you need any help with anything, like a sympathetic ear, heavy lifting or a distraction from everything, Let me know.

[cockatiel-art.livejournal.com]

Well written, Crow-joe :-) . I love the fact that Mina is mentioned - most obits don't do that from my experience.

[deepkissez.livejournal.com]

That is a beautiful obit that you wrote, Laurie.

Being numb at this time is understandable. My Grandmother took care of me when I was a child and both of my parents worked. I had a very close relationship to her. When she died. I was numb. It took a while before I felt anything but when I did ... it was like a tidal wave.

I am sending you all the strength I can. Bright Blessings.