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Woke up about 45 minutes ago feeling raw inside.
Six days ago, instead of switching to Effexor, my doctor elected to let me increase my Nortriptyline dosage by 25 mg, bringing my daily intake to 6 tablets (150 mg). I've been feeling slightly better overall the last few days -- time seems to pass more easily, instead of dragging like a knife over raw nerves every waking minute, and I don't have to consciously force myself to do some of the most basic stuff (get out of bed, open a door, draw a bath).
However, there is still a lot of emotional pain. Today George and I are going over to T & R's house for dinner, and I get the feeling that it's going to take all my courage to get through it... this is nothing against T & R, it illustrates a weakness within me.
Lately the fits of suicidal ideation have been hitting hard and fast, like a case of food poisoning: going from "feeling fine" to "wanting to die" in little more than a second. I'm not sure what that means. Perhaps I'm getting weak and tired overall. Or perhaps my life really IS shit...
Gotta go get through some more minutes and hours. Try to put a positive spin on things, and definitely feel grateful that Micawber probably isn't that sick.
Six days ago, instead of switching to Effexor, my doctor elected to let me increase my Nortriptyline dosage by 25 mg, bringing my daily intake to 6 tablets (150 mg). I've been feeling slightly better overall the last few days -- time seems to pass more easily, instead of dragging like a knife over raw nerves every waking minute, and I don't have to consciously force myself to do some of the most basic stuff (get out of bed, open a door, draw a bath).
However, there is still a lot of emotional pain. Today George and I are going over to T & R's house for dinner, and I get the feeling that it's going to take all my courage to get through it... this is nothing against T & R, it illustrates a weakness within me.
Lately the fits of suicidal ideation have been hitting hard and fast, like a case of food poisoning: going from "feeling fine" to "wanting to die" in little more than a second. I'm not sure what that means. Perhaps I'm getting weak and tired overall. Or perhaps my life really IS shit...
Gotta go get through some more minutes and hours. Try to put a positive spin on things, and definitely feel grateful that Micawber probably isn't that sick.
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(no subject)
*hugs*
(no subject)
My prayers are with you right now.
From MR
MR