All my LiveJournal Friends

Icon meme... gacked from elaryn and nightdog_barks. Something that actually made me smile today.

( Feel the icon love )

Six inches of concrete, half set

That's what it feels like I'm lying in. The depression is that thick. I could not get out of bed this morning, and finally dragged myself out at about 5:15 pm because a friend and I were supposed to meet for coffee after 5:30 and I had to get up to explain the situation to him over the phone. It literally took me two or three minutes just to get up -- first sitting up, then taking a little numbness-break... then sliding toward the edge of the bed, then taking another break... then legs over the edge, and a break... then, finally, with a tremendous effort of will, actually standing up.

I feel like a real mess, but at least a little more lively. Lively enough to type, as you can tell. One Ritalin and a half a Seroquel tablet down the hatch, and we'll see what that does.

And I have ritual in two days. >.<

Fuck. Well, at least I have tomorrow and most of Saturday to clean the place up and get stuff in order, so I can actually take today as a "mental health day" if I need to.

Ergh...

Ergh... the Seroquel dulled the mental pain a bit, but it also numbed my cognitive processes, making everything around me seem even more complicated and insurmountable and adding another level of despair to the mix.

Wasted a few hours in Yahoo! Religion chat. I'd forgotten how arguments in there just keep going around and around without ever actually getting anywhere. *sigh*

I can't concentrate enough for work, even if I had the courage to try laying a Star Wars flat right now. I'm restless, but the thought of reading makes me even more panicked. Same with walking.

Maybe I'll get together some of the supplies for Saturday's ritual... if I can calm myself down enough to do so without the challenge making me cry.

>.<

( Just to give this entry some merit... )