Making a life worth living

[crowdog66]

It's been a very... odd couple of days.

First, a bull at a bullfight in Mexico charges into the stands and gets medieval on the spectators:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4663646.stm

*cough*

GO BULL!

*cough*

Second, "that time of the month" is imminent and I am feeling up and down and all around the houses. Managed to do step exercise both today and yesterday, though.

In DBT, we talk a lot about "making a life worth living" -- that is, mindfully doing things that improve the quality of life and fill us with energy and positive experiences. It's a real struggle most days, but on days like today, I think I understand what they mean. In the last two days I've made a lot of phone calls regarding the purchase of various kinds of incense from a local dealer (including coordinating sales of incense to other people) as well as to arrange the Imbolc ritual which is happening at my place on Sunday afternoon (and which crept up on me completely by surprise). I'm looking forward to he_dreams_awake's phone call on Saturday, even though I'm going to have to move it up to 4:30 pm in order to fit in all my appointments that day.

But it's all about hope, right? Having hope enough to keep going, and sustaining what hope you have.

Today, about an hour after I got up, I took a warm comfy blanket and curled up on the couch and pulled that blanket right up over my head and just lay there letting myself feel the pain, doubt, and fear inside me. For the first time in a few days, I seriously thought about the advantages of suicide (hmmm, maybe the regular exercise IS having a good effect on my overall mood). Then I let myself go to sleep for a couple of hours, escaping the feelings. When George (who had worked all night on those European samples) got up at about 6 pm, he woke me up as well, and I found myself feeling a bit better. Small victories, eh? Sometimes they're all we have.

Oh, and this:

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=12364

Always makes me smile.

*goes back to watching my AIM friends list, waiting for he_dreams_awake and matrixrefugee to come online*

Comments

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my mom saw that on the news the other night; in her words, "It looked funny, but it was kinda sad, since some people got hurt."

Might make them think twice about going back to one of those things.