Update

[crowdog66]

I'm still awake, and haven't cut any more. Under the influence of both Diazepam and Seroquel I've spent time alternately staring at the walls and working. I haven't woken George up. He's ill -- let him sleep. There's not a whole lot he can do anyway.

As I stare, my mind keeps coming back to the issue of living versus dying. I truly want to hurt myself badly enough that when I close my eyes, I'll never open them again. But I don't think tonight is going to be the night that it happens. There's a number of reasons for that, including the issue of the bank accounts and how my death might affect other people.

I need help, and I'm not sure that help exists. I need someone or something to get this cancer out of my mind and soul. Maybe when/if I start exercising regularly again I'll feel better, but right now I can barely imagine getting through this night, much less being that proactive.

What the fuck can I do, except keep going?

Comments

[matrixrefugee.livejournal.com]

Yes, that help exists. Have you called the crisis center? You'll find it there, I guarantee.

Sorry if I sound bossy here. I'm just worried to death over you and I'm liable to lose sleep. Yes, it is worth it, because I care about you, dammit.

...Lucien just passed me something he wanted to tell you. He says he needs you because otherwise, he won't know what happens to him, how his story goes on. He also threatened to go back to his former master, and that isn't a shallow threat, either.

[elaryn.livejournal.com]

I hope and pray that you're going to be all right. I'm worried about you. (So are a lot of other people.) I wish I could hold you and drive away the shadows.

I think Matrix Refugee has a good idea - call someone - the Crisis Centre or whoever you need to.

I care about you. Please hang on.

[metisbutterfly.livejournal.com]

I just want to lend my support...((hugs)). Please feel better, the Lady is looking out for you.

[metisbutterfly.livejournal.com]

ps. don't hesitate to give me a ring today if you just want to chat/vent whatever...291-6145 is my new cell. if you get the voicemail, i will call you right back, promise :). I';ll have it with me all day.

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

*just supportive caring hugs for you*

[madra-liath.livejournal.com]

I agree. Phone the crisis centre. Phone the Samaritans. Talk to someone. Don't sit there alone if you're feeling like this, crowdog. Please.

[he-dreams-awake.livejournal.com]

...I wish I could say more. I don't know if you knew, but I used to cut... the urge to just... yeah. To get the poison out of me somehow. So I'm not offering empty words or bullshit comfort.


Just know I'm here for you. We all are. I'd like to call you sometime, if you want, because I have something to say to you in private that might help. It might not... but it means a great deal to me to say it, so I can hope.



Oh, and by the way: go wake up your husband. He loves you, and what's love for if not to help shelter each other from the hailstorms like this? At least go sit with him.... because maybe it'll help. [Understand, I'm not at all trying to tell you your business...] But I do know that if it were me, Trin would far rather I woke her up than sat alone in misery with her knowing nothing about it.