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Blech. :-P
Let's start yesterday. I met my mother and my doctor's receptionist (they know each other) for lunch -- not so bad at all. The restaurant's espresso machines was broken (no cafe au lait for me), but for the first time ever, I tried a flavor shot in a cup of regular coffee (caramel), and wow! That's an experience I'll definitely be repeating.
Afterwards, my mother and I went window shopping. This doesn't sound like much, but considering that my mother and I had a horrible relationship when I was growing up, having a good time with her is a pretty significant accomplishment. We've been working really hard on our relationship over the last seven or eight years, and it's paid off.
And after that, I went to Ipsos-Reid -- not to work, since I had no shift scheduled, but to bring in my gift for my team's Secret Santa exchange at the start of the evening shift (4 pm). I'd already received my gift in advance from the person running the exchange, who'd drawn my name: a really neat little clip-on-your-belt FM radio, with headphones. And as soon as I arrived, I discovered that the person whose name I'd drawn wouldn't be in until Friday. In spite of having no earthly reason to be there, I hung around drinking coffee and chatting until 4 pm anyway, killing time before the doctor's appointment I was scheduled for at 4:45 pm.
So, BACK to my doctor's office, where I'd started the afternoon in the first place. Kim, the receptionist I'd had lunch with, was able to squeak me in about 20 minutes early. This was the first time I'd seen Dr. Thottingal (or Dr. T, as everyone calls him) in three months, since he'd been off on sick leave for 6 weeks until Monday this week, and with the fact that I've been down with this cough/cold/flu thing for about 5 weeks, we had a bit to catch up on. He listened to my tale of woe (recounted in earlier posts of this weblog, for anyone who cares to look), listened to my chest, nodded sympathetically, told me I have viral bronchitis, and wrote me a prescription for Biaxin, which is one of those $2-a-pill antibiotics -- since I have a chronic sinus infection, Dr. T has always believed in hitting anything that tries to infect me hard and fast, and while I don't agree wth the widespread prescription of antibiotics for every little infection, or even every case of the common cold, my immune system is sufficiently compromised that I can't afford to take chances. (Can you say "pneumonia"? I knew you could!) He offered me a doctor's note for work, but I declined, thinking I probably wouldn't need it.
The home again, home again, jiggedy jig. I was DEAD tired -- I'd only been gone about 5 hours and walked a total of 6 blocks, but that's the longest I've been out since this whole thing started five weeks ago. I did some internet stuff and pretty much collapsed into bed, waking up periodically during the night with a sore throat and a general sick feeling. Not a good sign!
Now we come to today's events.
I woke up feeling sick and emotionally shaky. Checking the calendar, I saw that it's been 24 days since my last *ahem* "menstrual flow* -- great, another round of PMS gearing up to grind me over its sharp and nasty surface. My chest and throat weren't so hot, either, and by the time I'd gone up and down 3 flights of stairs a few times doing laundry I was ready for another 8 hours of sleep. But Ipsos-Reid called, and after being off work for so long I was looking forward to getting back to it.
Nevertheless, I called Dr. T and asked him to write that doctor's note he'd mentioned. Something told me that I wasn't out of the woods yet. And I was right.
I lasted exactly 1 1/2 hours at work tonight. I went in feeling rough, Neo Citran and painkillers notwithstanding, but by 5:30 I was in misery and knew I wasn't thinking straight (which is important when you're trying to gather data in very precise ways, not to mention handling difficult respondants). I signed out and came back home, feeling like absolute shit, tired of work, tired of feeling sick, tired of taking pills, and consumed with dread for what the next few days of PMS would bring. When I got home George was absolutely WONDERFUL, as usual, with a great big hug, kind and loving words, and a pot of hot tea, but I was too far gone to care much. I ate a plate of leftover spaghetti with cheese sauce and crawled into bed to lose myself in the oblivion of sleep... anything to get away from the grinding physical and emotional pain.
So here I am, awake and not likely to get back to sleep anytime soon. God, life sucks. It might be a trick of hormones or a virus, but right now I feel like a piece of crap stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe, and I just don't have the energy to turn my mind around with the tools I learned at DBT.
All I've got to do is get through the next several hours. I've got a full day tomorrow, including another shift at Ipsos-Reid, but I need to keep it in perspective. Do what I can, forgive myself for what I can't, and if I have to, I'll keep taking it minute to minute to minute.
Let's start yesterday. I met my mother and my doctor's receptionist (they know each other) for lunch -- not so bad at all. The restaurant's espresso machines was broken (no cafe au lait for me), but for the first time ever, I tried a flavor shot in a cup of regular coffee (caramel), and wow! That's an experience I'll definitely be repeating.
Afterwards, my mother and I went window shopping. This doesn't sound like much, but considering that my mother and I had a horrible relationship when I was growing up, having a good time with her is a pretty significant accomplishment. We've been working really hard on our relationship over the last seven or eight years, and it's paid off.
And after that, I went to Ipsos-Reid -- not to work, since I had no shift scheduled, but to bring in my gift for my team's Secret Santa exchange at the start of the evening shift (4 pm). I'd already received my gift in advance from the person running the exchange, who'd drawn my name: a really neat little clip-on-your-belt FM radio, with headphones. And as soon as I arrived, I discovered that the person whose name I'd drawn wouldn't be in until Friday. In spite of having no earthly reason to be there, I hung around drinking coffee and chatting until 4 pm anyway, killing time before the doctor's appointment I was scheduled for at 4:45 pm.
So, BACK to my doctor's office, where I'd started the afternoon in the first place. Kim, the receptionist I'd had lunch with, was able to squeak me in about 20 minutes early. This was the first time I'd seen Dr. Thottingal (or Dr. T, as everyone calls him) in three months, since he'd been off on sick leave for 6 weeks until Monday this week, and with the fact that I've been down with this cough/cold/flu thing for about 5 weeks, we had a bit to catch up on. He listened to my tale of woe (recounted in earlier posts of this weblog, for anyone who cares to look), listened to my chest, nodded sympathetically, told me I have viral bronchitis, and wrote me a prescription for Biaxin, which is one of those $2-a-pill antibiotics -- since I have a chronic sinus infection, Dr. T has always believed in hitting anything that tries to infect me hard and fast, and while I don't agree wth the widespread prescription of antibiotics for every little infection, or even every case of the common cold, my immune system is sufficiently compromised that I can't afford to take chances. (Can you say "pneumonia"? I knew you could!) He offered me a doctor's note for work, but I declined, thinking I probably wouldn't need it.
The home again, home again, jiggedy jig. I was DEAD tired -- I'd only been gone about 5 hours and walked a total of 6 blocks, but that's the longest I've been out since this whole thing started five weeks ago. I did some internet stuff and pretty much collapsed into bed, waking up periodically during the night with a sore throat and a general sick feeling. Not a good sign!
Now we come to today's events.
I woke up feeling sick and emotionally shaky. Checking the calendar, I saw that it's been 24 days since my last *ahem* "menstrual flow* -- great, another round of PMS gearing up to grind me over its sharp and nasty surface. My chest and throat weren't so hot, either, and by the time I'd gone up and down 3 flights of stairs a few times doing laundry I was ready for another 8 hours of sleep. But Ipsos-Reid called, and after being off work for so long I was looking forward to getting back to it.
Nevertheless, I called Dr. T and asked him to write that doctor's note he'd mentioned. Something told me that I wasn't out of the woods yet. And I was right.
I lasted exactly 1 1/2 hours at work tonight. I went in feeling rough, Neo Citran and painkillers notwithstanding, but by 5:30 I was in misery and knew I wasn't thinking straight (which is important when you're trying to gather data in very precise ways, not to mention handling difficult respondants). I signed out and came back home, feeling like absolute shit, tired of work, tired of feeling sick, tired of taking pills, and consumed with dread for what the next few days of PMS would bring. When I got home George was absolutely WONDERFUL, as usual, with a great big hug, kind and loving words, and a pot of hot tea, but I was too far gone to care much. I ate a plate of leftover spaghetti with cheese sauce and crawled into bed to lose myself in the oblivion of sleep... anything to get away from the grinding physical and emotional pain.
So here I am, awake and not likely to get back to sleep anytime soon. God, life sucks. It might be a trick of hormones or a virus, but right now I feel like a piece of crap stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe, and I just don't have the energy to turn my mind around with the tools I learned at DBT.
All I've got to do is get through the next several hours. I've got a full day tomorrow, including another shift at Ipsos-Reid, but I need to keep it in perspective. Do what I can, forgive myself for what I can't, and if I have to, I'll keep taking it minute to minute to minute.
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(no subject)
it's Jill...
Just wanted to say that i'm sorry things are so rough right now..:(. We should meet for tea one of these days. I'll call you with my new phone number!!
:) Jill