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Tired, tired, tired. I managed to get through my shift tonight, but barely. The internal misery level is brutal. Almost worse is the rising sense of hope -- looks like the Effexor might be starting to take effect.
However, I'm also experiencing some chest pain, throat pain, headache, and last night what seemed like a loud and rapid heartbeat as I lay in my silent bedroom. Only one episode yesterday and two today, both of them brief. Cardiac effects can occur with Effexor, so I'm going to keep an eye on that.
There's still quite a bit of mental disorientation and savage fits of depression. All in all quite the roller coaster effect.
On a positive note... I discovered yesterday that the four trees on the boulevard out front of our building are really HUGE white lilac bushes -- about 25 feet tall and currently bursting with delicate perfumed white blossoms. So sweet! I brought some in for George last night.
And here's something to bring a smile to almost anyone's face... random shots of cute little kittens:
http://www.blogjam.com/cute_little_kittens/
On a totally different subject... you can process data for SETI, the Search for Extraterrestrial Life:
http://setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu/index.html
They have so much raw data, they really need the help. To date, home computer users taking part in the SETI@ Home project have provided 1947908.016 years worth of processing time to the project. Download the screensaver and give them a hand!
I've been making icons like crazy for the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
kittypix community, but have had to pause for the time being due to work and to depression reducing my productivity. I've made around 100, I figure. I'll get back to it as soon as I have the energy.
Time to crawl into bed. God, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. How do I keep going on, day after day? Damned if I know. Right now the thought of getting up in the morning makes me want to swallow a suicide pill and close my eyes forever.
How wonderful it would be, never to wake up!
However, I'm also experiencing some chest pain, throat pain, headache, and last night what seemed like a loud and rapid heartbeat as I lay in my silent bedroom. Only one episode yesterday and two today, both of them brief. Cardiac effects can occur with Effexor, so I'm going to keep an eye on that.
There's still quite a bit of mental disorientation and savage fits of depression. All in all quite the roller coaster effect.
On a positive note... I discovered yesterday that the four trees on the boulevard out front of our building are really HUGE white lilac bushes -- about 25 feet tall and currently bursting with delicate perfumed white blossoms. So sweet! I brought some in for George last night.
And here's something to bring a smile to almost anyone's face... random shots of cute little kittens:
http://www.blogjam.com/cute_little_kittens/
On a totally different subject... you can process data for SETI, the Search for Extraterrestrial Life:
http://setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu/index.html
They have so much raw data, they really need the help. To date, home computer users taking part in the SETI@ Home project have provided 1947908.016 years worth of processing time to the project. Download the screensaver and give them a hand!
I've been making icons like crazy for the
kittypix community, but have had to pause for the time being due to work and to depression reducing my productivity. I've made around 100, I figure. I'll get back to it as soon as I have the energy.Time to crawl into bed. God, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. How do I keep going on, day after day? Damned if I know. Right now the thought of getting up in the morning makes me want to swallow a suicide pill and close my eyes forever.
How wonderful it would be, never to wake up!
