crowdog66: (Default)
Details here.

For my fellow Pagans who follow this blog, there will be a "rolling thunder" healing process taking place tonight and tomorrow.

Zell-Ravenheart is currently undergoing further tests to see if the cancer has spread, and if radiation and chemotherapy will be needed. A group of practitioners who have been doing coordinated healing magic for Oberon's wife Morning Glory (who was diagnosed with bone cancer in 2006) will be engaging in a "Rolling Thunder"* coordinated healing working tonight and tomorrow.

"So, tomorrow is the full moon, and I know that many of you will be doing ritual for OZ anyway, and I'd like to see us return to this tradition, so I'm calling a Rolling Thunder for Oberon to begin at 9 PM. That's always local time, and that's for Saturday, August 16th. For those across the international dateline, for whom it is already Saturday, or if it's more convenient to pick it up when it rolls across to Sunday, August 17th, that's fine as well. Generally we continue the roll for at least 48 hours, to accommodate people who hear about the roll late, and just to keep pushing the energy and accelerating the wave."

I hope you'll consider taking part and lending some prayer/magical energy to his healing. Colon cancer is generally very nasty, and I'm sure he needs all the help he can get right now.
crowdog66: (Default)
Today my mother got her long-term prognosis: the liver and bone masses are back, and she has six months or less to live. There's another type of chemo they're going to try, but the oncologist warned us that it has less than a 10% chance of having any effect at all.

We have one last summer together, if we're lucky. By the time snow falls again, she'll probably be gone.

After the oncology appointment we went out and had a nice lunch, complete with ice cream for dessert. Her appetite certainly isn't suffering -- nor, apparently, is mine, although my stomach feels completely clenched up right now.

I am mostly numb. Every so often a white-hot ripple of emotion runs through me -- sadness, grief, incipient panic -- then fades away again. That's probably a mercy.

My mother? She says she's not sad, that she's spent the last several months getting herself ready for this moment, but still... I don't know what to do for her.

She starts the new round of chemo next Tuesday. Two days later will be her 71st birthday.

On a more positive note, several suites are coming open in our apartment building and she's called the caretaker to make arrangements to see them. If she can move into the same building as George and me, that will make things a great deal easier as she gets closer to death (as opposed to our current situation where she is literally halfway across the city).

Thank the Gods we live in Canada, where once you're registered in the palliative care system all your medications are covered as well as round-the-clock (if necessary) nurses to see to your medical needs.

I think I'm going to go and lie down for a while. I still have to get work done today, but I don't think I'm capable of it right now.
◾ Tags:
crowdog66: (Default)
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were my mom's first days of chemo treatment for mixed small call and non-small cell lung cancer. By last night I was exhausted, having been up very early every morning to bus it out to her place and accompany her to the hospital. Each chemo treatment took about 3 1/2 hours, after which I went home with her again and did some stuff around her place before leaving her there to rest.

It was fatiguing, but I'm glad I did it. I saw that the Cancer Care nurses treated her very well, and that she was comfortable and well cared for during each session. (The nurses remarked to my mother that they were quite surprised and gratified to see me accompany her, since apparently adult children don't do it that often.) They covered her with warm blankets, brought her lunch every day, and kept up the spirits of everyone present with a gentle, humorous, and easy manner. Whatever they're getting paid, I don't think it's nearly enough.

On the third day my mom's kidney function tests came back normal, indicating that the chemo medication is being flushed out of her system nicely. She's been careful to drink lots of fluids and follow every instruction that Cancer Care has given her, though she's needed a lot of support from me to do so because she's been suffering mild to moderate confusion. We think it's probably because of the Dilaudid she's been prescribed for the pain, although her GP told me yesterday that the confusion could also be caused by problems with sodium or calcium levels. If the confusion gets really bad, I'm to bring her in to see her GP if it's a weekday and into the Grace Hospital ER if it's a weekend... though I hope it doesn't come to that.

It's very frustrating for my mom to be so mentally fuzzy -- she's been as sharp as a tack all her life -- and I really wish that I could do more for her than just give her mental and emotional support from a distance. But she doesn't want me to spend every waking moment with her, and I agree that it just wouldn't be very healthy for either of us at this point.

She'll be seeing her GP next Thursday, when he'll take blood levels on a variety of things. In the meantime, he agreed that my mother could, if she wants to, try taking half a Dilaudid tablet instead of a whole one; if the mental confusion improves and pain is still controlled, that might be a better way to go.

For the next day or two, until she gets a replacement for her alarm clock (which is malfunctioning), I have to call her to remind her to take every one of her medications. This allows her to get some sleep without worrying about keeping track of things herself. However, since her medication schedule runs from 5 am straight through to 10 am in roughly two-hour increments, it leaves me little time to get any kind of sustained rest. Fortunately George was able to pick up the calls overnight and into the morning, so I was actually able (aside from a couple of interruptions for questions) to sleep non-stop from 11 pm last night to 3 pm today.

Today I'm still very tired and full of anxiety and frustration, but only have a couple of bits of running around to do (and even those I might put off until tomorrow if my friend Terri is willing to spend a few more minutes helping me out with the loan of her vehicle). Right now the idea of just kicking back and watching a brainless slasher movie sounds really, really good.
◾ Tags:
crowdog66: (Default)
Tomorrow I go over to my mother's place for the day, to do some cleaning for her, do laundry, and cook up a pork roast and veggies. She's been having a hard time keeping food down, even Ensure. I am starting to get quite worried. Will call the Cancer Care center tomorrow and talk to them about it.

Feeling insecure and frightened right now, hoping that I manage to handle everything well without making things worse for my mom.

On the other hand, it turns out that my "free with the calling plan" cellphone does almost everything except make coffee in the morning. I've set up some speed dial numbers and put appointments in the scheduler to remind me when my mom should be taking her chemo "buffer" medications.

Thanks to everyone for all their words of advice and support.
◾ Tags:
crowdog66: (Default)
While I was out at the Winnipeg Public Library this afternoon (after having a very nice lunch with my friend Corey), I picked up a little bag for my mom to take with her to chemo.

Pictures under the cut. )

The front panel with the ladybugs on it is divided into two pockets that can hold keys, a thin wallet, etc. The whole thing is about 10 inches tall.

I think my mom will really like it because while she was in the hospital, her social worker came to visit and caught her trying to revive an almost-dead ladybug that had somehow made its way into her room. Word of the story got around, and she's already been greeted twice when we went back to the hospital as "the ladybug lady"! LOL... that's my mom all over, always doing her heartfelt best to help animals.

Taking a day off from things today. Went out to lunch with Corey and was intending to go pick up a cordless phone for my mom (and a cell phone for myself), but when I called George from the bus stop he was dead tired after having worked all night. (I hope Corey will be willing to run out to Garden City tomorrow with me to pick up the phones; if he is, I'll be giving him gas money, of course.)

So I came back home, picked up some library books that needed returning, and headed downtown. Also did some essentials shopping ("socks and gotch", as George would say, as well as a whole bunch of Oh! Henry bars for 40 cents each). This afternoon and tonight I intend to take it very easy and just lie around, either reading my new library books or watching videos.

On the whole, not a bad day so far.
◾ Tags:
crowdog66: (Default)
George and I went to visit my mom today in the hospital, and while we were there the oncologist stopped by. Apparently the cancer has NOT spread beyond her liver, but the liver is "extensively involved". What cued them to cancer in the first place was that her liver readings on the blood tests were all out of whack.

On Monday or Tuesday they'll be doing a biopsy (inserting a needle into the liver to pull out a bit of tissue). By Friday we'll know exactly what kind of cancer it is and what kind of treatment (if any) is available.

This is much better news than we could have hoped for earlier this week.

Oh, and her cat Mina is now living with us, isolated in our studio. I don't know how well she'll take to me doing aerobics and step exercise in the same space, but we'll manage. Even as I type she's trying her best to walk across my keyboard... Thanks to Terri's husband Roger for being nice enough to give us a lift from my mom's place with the cat in tow!
◾ Tags:
crowdog66: (Default)
My mother is still in the hospital. She is, however, feeling MUCH better physically: off the IV, and able to walk with the aid of a walker.

Now, we just wait. The doctors haven't told her anything yet; presumably they're still waiting for test results. It's after business hours now, so we probably won't hear anything until Monday. And my mother won't be coming home for at least a few days, because she has to meet with the oncologist and with a physiotherapist, and the physiotherapist isn't in until Tuesday.

George and I will be going down to see her tomorrow, then heading out to her place to pick up her cat and bring the little beastie here, to be loved and cared for as long as my mother's in the hospital (and possibly forever, though I'm managing not to think about that possibility very much right now).

Had a good cry last night in between working on HB pages. Feeling not too bad at the moment, but very tired, and the sorrow is always just around the corner.

ETA: Just realized that I haven't exercised since Monday. Fuck. That does my state of mind no good whatsoever. Therefore, off to dig out my step and get down to work while the laundry spins.

ETA II: Changing my journal layout back to a lighter style, because right now I need all the brightness in my life that I can get.
◾ Tags:
crowdog66: (Default)
I just spoke to my mother's doctor, and it's official -- she has cancer, and it's spread. They won't know more until they do the CAT scan today and some more tests.

According to the doctor, it's really just a question of how fast this is going to kill her. She might never leave the hospital.

I am very broken up about this. Made some phone calls to her friends, as she requested. Have made some initial inquiries regarding palliative and/or home care.

Still have to finish that HB issue today, even though my heart is covered with darkness.
◾ Tags:


crowdog66: (Default)

October 2016

91011121314 15

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags